Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Is it a Fake Out?

Life can be cruel sometimes...and I'm wondering if God is Faking me out.....

My period was supposed to start yesterday- since the beginning of my period as a 12 year old- my period has ALWAYS been normal and regular (with the exception of Pre-Diabetes diagnosis).

Every 26 days...my period is like clock work....however....yesterday...it did NOT come at all. Part of me wanted to be excited...so I took a test...a big fat NEGATIVE. Disappointment....disappointment...disappointment....

Last night I went to bed with cramps- woke up with cramps in the middle of the night...not feeling so great. This morning...I felt fine...but I still have no signs of normal period..nor have I had any cramps today....

This is such a mean trick if my period is going to come...what would you do...take another test??? Wait it out a few days??

Part of me is nervous to take another test for fear of another BIG FAT NEGATIVE!

Maybe I'll get what I wanted for my birthday after all....maybe???

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I believe in Miracles

I've been counting my blessings over the past few days and thanking GOD for everything I have in my life.

My cousin was in a very serious car accident on Friday morning. It was one of those phone calls that you dread ever getting again. The unknown, the "what do I do", the unimaginable thoughts that run through your head.

All I heard was....ejected from car, bleeding on the brain, unconscious....

My cousin is 27 years old...and she was NOT wearing her seat belt....and it SAVED her life.

Friday morning, she was pulling out onto a 4 lane highway from the street she lives on. She didn't see the car and pulled out into the intersection and was T-boned by an oncoming car. My cousin was thrown through the passenger window of her car and onto the grass on the side of the road. A young woman who was 2 cars behind her came to her side and prayed with her. The first paramedic on the scene looked at the woman praying and said "you are wasting your time." Those words give me chills all over my body...how could anyone be wasting their time?

She was rushed to the hospital where they immediately began working on her. Within the day, she was in stable condition with the following injuries....

Lacerated Spleen
Cracked Pelvis
Broken Tailbone
4 Fractured bones around her eye socket
Lots of cuts from glass and bruises

Praise GOD that she is alive.....he was truly watching over her.

I was able to go to the hospital yesterday and she her. She was awake and moving her arms around. She recognized me, Hubby, and my parents. She has short term memory loss and has absolutely no clue what has happened, nor how lucky she was.

My uncle went and looked at her car...which is unrecognizable- and the scary part is...if she had her seat belt on, she would have been instantly killed...it's amazing to me how that happens sometimes.

She has an extremely long recovery ahead and she is in an extreme amount of pain, but I am so eternally grateful that she will make it through this.

Please pray for her and my family, and also pray for the 61 year old woman that was in the other car, also stable but with serious injuries.

Life is short and you never know what is going to happen. I'm so thankful for my life and everything I have and I hope everyone will be grateful for miracles that can happen when you need them most.

*Please wear your seat belt despite what I've stated here. 90% of the time, a seat belt will SAVE your life and you definitely want those odds on your side.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Good news on insurance...WTF?

It finally happened.....I finally appreciate my insurance while living with Diabetes! Finally!!

My pump is cracking....and it's out of warranty..which means one thing...I HAVE to have a new one.

The problem...it was originally going to cost me about $3500 AFTER insurance- which was really scary given that I absolutely need the thing. i was pissed that I may possibly have to put off redoing our bathroom or getting a new (used) car for a stupid insulin pump...what a lame way to spend the money (sorta)!

BUT....our insurance at my place of employment is getting a new plan starting on Nov. 1st...which means.....Insurance covers my pump at 100% after I meet my deductible...which I'm close to meeting this year! So...after Nov. 1st....I can start the process.

I believe I'm going to go with an Animas Ping and switch from my current Medtronic Paradigm 522. I've heard really good things about the Ping and I'm going to an information session next week about it- so any other opinions??? Anyone have the Revel and love it? Omnipod? What do you all like about the Ping that I can't pass up?

In addition though, medtronic is FREAKING out that I'm not going to stick with them. I simply mentioned it to a Rep today and I had about 3 phone calls asking me questions about why Medtronic was better and that Animas was not a good choice. They threatened to call my doctors to talk about my switching and I politely told them- I would appreciate they do not discuss this with my doctors until after I meet with them next week.

I am also trying to return my CGM- their sucky 30 day return policy really sucks given the fact that my original rep from Medtronic told me it was 90 days....wish me luck with that....she tried to tell me that I was doing everything wrong- I didn't really appreciate that.

Looking forward to a fresh start with a new gadget!

Monday, October 18, 2010

New Pump?

It's been a while since I've written. My busy life has caught up with me and I'm starting to find a new normal. Work has been crazy busy and we FINALLY hired another full time person- so I may just get my life back starting on Thursday.

Things on the baby front...well....cautiously slow.....we are attempting our 4th month of trying to conceive...and I'll leave it at that.

On the pump front, I looked down the other day and I noticed that my Insulin pump was cracked. It is cracked and chipping off right where you twist in the battery. I've already lost a little piece of the plastic and it won't be long before more of it cracks and falls off too- which leaves me to pump shopping.

I have not decided yet if I'm going to stay with Medtronic or try the Ping or OmniPod. Any thoughts from all you people out there who switched from a medtronic? Of course my pump is out of warranty- but what other option do I have? It's going to cost me nearly $3000 to get a new one- that's AFTER insurance covers it. Unfortunately, my insurance has a Medical device cap of $2500- so I have to pay the remainder regardless. As stated previously- I'm looking into other options but am slightly terrified to make a new change.

I'm going to the endocrinologist next week, so I've been wearing the sensor for the last week and will continue to do so through next week. It's still not working properly and I know I'm calibrating correctly. Hopefully the endo will be able to help me sort out the damn little thing!! It is one thing that is holding me back to sticking with Medtronic- I already have the sensor and will most likely want to wear it through a pregnancy....but I'm also not going to let that be the only thing since I hate it already.

On another note, my brother and SIL had their second attempt at IUI- we'll find out this week if it worked...have your prayers ready for them- it's SIL's birthday this week and it would be a welcome birthday wish come true!

Although I haven't written- I'm still reading all your posts out there! Glad to see everyone is doing well and happy :)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Time to relax

I actually said the word....relax! Try it...seriously...you'll feel better..say.....RELAX!

That is what I'm doing for the next month. After traveling again this past weekend, we have no further travel plans. If anyone wants to see us...they have to come to us. That's a reasonable request I think...especially after I've seriously traveled at least 2 hours for the past 8 weekends! It's time for a break...and I'm loving it!

I've been extremely overwhelmed by the support I've received from my friends and family. My little cousin and I are walking together in the JDRF walk in a couple weeks. I'm super excited and I think it's mainly because I'm doing it for him. He is going to come and walk with us and my mom and dad as well as Hubby's mom and dad are going to come walk with us as well. I didn't even asked, they just said they would be there. I've managed to raise over $700 in approximately a week by simply sending out a personal email to friends and family. It's amazing the emails and the immediate support I've received...now granted...it's probably because of my cousin's cute little face on the front of the page in the email...but it's nice to see such an active response.

It's made me want to get a job in fundraising for a cause I care about. Remember how I said that I was going to stop looking for a job for at least a year....well....I lied.....the hunt began again....I can't help but dream that something good will happen!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Meet my cousin Dylan!

This is Dylan! Dylan is 6 years old and just started 1st grade!! He is my cousin's son...making him my 2nd cousin. Dylan is a fun loving and extremely smart little dude. Every time I see him, he graces me with a hug and holds my hand.

Dylan is a Type 1 Diabetic...diagnosed at the age of 3...and this year...I'm walking in JDRF for him!

I asked him to name our team this year...he chose "Dylan's Chargers"- so I signed up as the Team Captain and am now leading the way to a fundraising goal of $500.

I have a few issues with JDRF as some of us in blog world have discussed over the past week. But Dylan is the reason I continue to support JDRF despite my own woes with the organization. I love being able to share this unique bond with him....even though it is T1- it is a bond...and it's something I cannot explain...we just connect when we are with each other.

So just to make it known...I'm walking to support my little charger Dylan this year for JDRF! Charge on!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Pray for SIL and random thoughts!

I've been a little off on the blogging front lately...and I need to get back into it- lots of traveling over the past 7 weeks and we're finally settling down and getting back to normal.

Last Sunday, my brother and my SIL had an IUI procedure. I'm praying extremely hard that things work out for them, even though there is only a 7-10% chance of conception actually happening. I believe tomorrow is the day that she'll actually find out, but I'm not calling or asking. I figure if there is good news, I'll hear about it. If there is bad news, I'll know about it. I did have an amazingly real dream the other night that she had a positive pregnancy test- so I'm taking that as a sign that things are going well. So, please keep them in your thoughts and prayers...I would absolutely love to be an aunt!

I've been feeling crappy on and off for the last couple days. Part of it was my period, but last night, I broke out in a cold sweat, felt nauseous and weak...but it went away and I'm better again. Blood sugars have been relatively stable and normal. I feel that since I've started volunteering at Children's Hospital, I've been exposed to more sickness than normal..perhaps I'm catching a few things?

I've been reading other community bloggers posts lately regarding the support or lack of support for adults with T1. This really got me thinking about how far I've come in the past 5 years. Honestly, most of my support and a lot of education that I've received has come from all of you out here in the blogging world. Sure, I walk with JDRF every Fall, but mainly in support of my 6 year old cousin with T1- not because of me. It is very much a kid focused event, which I'm fine with, but what about a 5k sponsored event from JDRF for adults living with T1? Maybe I'll start one.....now to find a contact! I would love to find a 5k race that is in support of myself - but it seems as though "running" or "races" are out for those with T1- mainly because most people think we can't handle it. That's my goal for this coming year- run a race and tackle any lows that may come along with it. But I want to run for myself- it's hard to find.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

My husband ate most of the candy!

Thanks to Scully for the delicious candy Rockets!! How sweet of her to send me these delicious treats!! Thank you sooo much, now I just have to stop the Hubby from eating them all! He loves them because they are "larger than a Smartie and therefore better." My Hubby loves anything from Canada as well and would do anything to become a duel citizen of the country- we visit frequently! It was a very UNnecessary gift but a wonderful surprise!!
Things have been a little hectic lately- lots of traveling and another trip with my mom to NYC as I posted in my last post. The Hubby is working long hours again so I'm adjusting again to meals at home by myself and renting movies. I would really like to motivate myself again to start the workout trend- I was doing so good and then I had that horrible cold. I really just need to get back on the train and keep chugging away.

I've been putting off inserting another sensor into my thigh. I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant, but I am. I have some horrible scars (dot size) on my thighs from the things and they look like massive bug bites. It really bothers me for some reason, but it is a better alternative than the stomach......I really just need to do it.

Apparently- I just need to do A LOT of things- like stop eating the junk that I've been eating lately. It's been horrible on the blood sugar, but lunch and dessert was provided at work today and I can't ever seem to stop myself from over indulging. I go on these binges every once in a while where my eyes are much more powerful than my brain....I need to STOP that too! UGH!

Monday, September 6, 2010

NYC...take 2

I'm back from the Big Apple again!!

My mom and I drove the exhausting 9 hours to the big city for another wedding! I'm really proud of myself for actually driving into the CITY and parking the car. We stayed at this amazingly stellar hotel called The Marcel at Gramercy...it was near Gramercy Park...extremely cute part of the city. We ate at Coppola's for lunch and it was amazing! We were then able to meet up with some old friends that we hadn't seen in a while. Everyone was in from out of town for the wedding and we were all staying at the same hotel! It was a really good time!

The wedding was at the Manhatten Penthouse...directly next door to Parson's School of Design. I'm a huge Project Runway fan, so this got me super excited! The wedding was absolutely fabulous...different, but extremely beautiful and fun. The bride wore a fabulous short feathered dress and the groom and his best man wore Converse tennis shoes with their tuxes. They danced their first dance to the Jackson 5's "ABC...easy as 1-2-3!" So adorable and cute. We danced all night long!

Saturday morning, my mom and I woke up, had a fab breakfast and headed down to the World Trade Center Memorial visitor center. The last time my mom and I were in NYC was 3 weeks before September 11th...so this is something she wanted to do...we both cried almost the entire way through, but it was beautifully done and I'm excited to see the official memorial once it's built. To wrap up the trip, I took my mom to Max Brenner's and we had fondue (great for the blood sugar!) but it was delicious and we had a great time.

We drove the entire trip home that afternoon and evening. It was very long but I got to see the Hubby that night and sleep in my own bed. I vegged around almost all day yesterday- we did got on a little hike, but the tiredness set in and we ended up renting a movie and in bed before 10pm.

Today for this glorious Labor Day, I had to work. However, I'm all moved in to my new office and they've started painting it the color I want- a lovely calming lavender! It's going to be a great start to a new "job" so to say, but I'm excited for a new chapter and what the next couple months will bring.

No news on the baby front :(

Monday, August 30, 2010

End of Summer sickness...

I knew that I was too lucky going through this entire Summer feeling fantastic. It was my turn I guess...

It started on Thursday at work...I left early, my blood sugar was up and down and up and down again. Then, I ran out of insulin at work and had a sort of panic (I knew I should have changed it that morning, but the hussle and bustle of the morning made me forget)- I was running pretty high, over 250 and not feeling so great. So I cleared out my schedule and headed home to refill and de-stress. I even went to the gym- I've been doing really well with that lately and I can see the results in my numbers.

Friday, I was off during the day, but I woke up with a mini-sore throat...the beginnings of a horrible cold. I mentally prepared myself to "handle the cold" so that I could make it through my fun filled weekend that I had planned. Friday night rolled around and I was blowing my nose a thousand times........

Saturday, woke up miserable....but we had a bunch of stuff to do- I slept for about an hour and then we headed on the short 2 hour drive South for yet..you guessed it...ANOTHER wedding. I made it through the wedding with stacks of tissues and bar napkins....but the cold was in full force.

We stayed with my SIL and my brother on Saturday night- a good time...excpet they have a dog...and I'm EXTREMELY allergic. She sent the dog to her parents for the weekend because of me, but it doesn't help. I woke up Sunday morning with watery eyes and they were nearly swollen shut. So...I took allergy meds AND the cold medicine and attempted to make it through the day without snotting over everything.

We celebrated my mom and my brother's birthday, I washed my hands fifty million times as I helped prepare food and get things together for our little cookout. My SIL filled me in a little about her infertility news- she's having an IUI this coming weekend and shared a little with me (that's another post)- but things are looking up.

We left my brother's house and drove home last night...I was still miserable...slept almost the entire way...woke up this morning and still feeling worse...I called into work. I don't want to feel gross all day, snotting and coughing all around everybody. My boss was understanding, so here I am...stuck at home...with an extremely sore nose and a horrible hacking cough.

The other bad news....Hubby woke up this morning with a sore throat....(this is where the music comes in!)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Update on "the visitor" AND the common comment...

Yes...that's right...those of you who've read my blog know that my cousin asked me for a little favor...read here.

So, it's been 3 weeks and I haven't heard from my cousin on whether her hubby was coming. So, I called her, thinking she would answer..nope. I left a message- please give me a call. Hubby and I are trying to prepare for your Hubby and need to get things in order. What time will he be here on Sunday, etc.

Nothing...nothing for 2 days..

until...I got a text message...yes...that's right....a TEXT message....

"My hubby will not be coming, his funding is on hold for a while. Thanks anyway."

COME ON! Do I not deserve a frickin' phone call? And with that...I'm over it....but completely relieved and happy we have a sense of normalcy again.

On another note, a youth volunteer at my place of employment was recently diagnosed with T1. Today was her first day back after getting diagnosed...she talked to me for a little bit but generally seemed happy and okay (for now). At the age of 13, I don't think it's hit her yet, but then again, her mom has T1, so she may be better prepared than I thought.

She brought her own lunch today, lots of packaged food- easy to carb count. I was standing in my boss' office with my boss and another co-worker when my boss said the following....

"I saw her earlier eating a VERY unhealthy lunch...and then she dove into the candy...so I asked her....'should you be eating that?"

My blood immediately boiled......I know my boss had good intentions and was generally looking out for the general health of our youth volunteer but I couldn't help but comment.

"Please don't take this the wrong way....but....the WORST thing you can say to a diabetic is....'should you be eating that?' I'm sure her lunch was checked by her mom and is probably packaged for easy carb counting."

I know that the volunteer was probably sneaking some candy...but it still made me get all uptight about that common comment that non-D's make.......

Do you think it's different when it comes to children and teenagers?

Monday, August 23, 2010

Test 1....

No LH surge.....I kinda figured that much given that today was the first day to "officially" test for an LH surge...can I still have sex tonight?? Haha!

What's with those stupid looking test things anyway? I literally had to spread out the entire instruction booklet from inside the box to understand how to read the results. It was like a newspaper....opening it up and holding it up to read it. Now, I'm a fairly smart person, but come on! If this line is lighter than this line, but if this line is darker than the other line....UGH!

At any rate, the blood sugar has been a little all over the place lately. I need to get it together and get things under control again. Honestly, I was doing sooo much better before the CGM, but for the benefit of trying to get pregnant, I'm going to stick with it. I put it on again a couple of days ago and so far it has not beeped at me that much, but it's still there...constantly haunting me.

My SIL and my brother went to their first appointment today with the fertility specialist. They are moving along quickly!! Their first doctor told her she was missing a fallopian tube and it would be nearly impossible for her to get pregnant on her own. Upon further investigation today at their fertility specialist, she is NOT missing a fallopian tube...what do ya know...it's been there the whole time. She's now on fertility drugs and she goes in on September 3rd to find out when they will do the artificial insemination. I really hope that in September I get some amazing news that I'm going to be an Aunt....and hopefully my own news of being a mommy....but we'll see. Either way, I'm totally pulling for them.....plus I'm completely dreading the consequences of me getting pregnant before her...just for emotional reasons.

So...I'm avoiding calling my cousin as well. Her husband is supposed to be coming this Sunday to stay with us for 3 weeks...however, I haven't heard a WORD from her in 3 weeks....last time we spoke...it was kind of up in the air.....so I now need to make that dreaded phone call and cross my fingers that he may not be coming at all....but I'm prepared if he does....

Things at work are going well- lots of changes but I'm excited for the next couple months. I got a phone call today for another interview, but I promptly turned it down....with a smile on my face. At least one part of my life is settled for now!

Friday, August 20, 2010

I broke down and bought the tests....

and I told myself I wouldn't do it....but I couldn't resist the temptation. The ovulation test was just staring at me.....and I caved...

I thought I would be able to give it a couple of months of trying...being hopeful that I didn't need the test....or that I could figure it out on my own...but what's the harm???

Oh well.....at least I don't have to think about it anymore.

Work update!!!! It's official, my co-worker is officially leaving...which means many good and positive things in my career ahead! Number 1- I get her office- which I'm totally excited about and thinking about paint colors now....2- no more Drama!!! 3- I think I actually may LOVE my job now that's she's gone. She's a really sweet person on a social level...but a pain in the ass to work with....so I'm really excited about the journey ahead. Two more weeks with her and then she's outta here....

I met a lady today at work who had an insulin pump. She brings her daughter to the workshops I develop and has been for a long time. She saw my pump and asked me if I was a T1- and I got excited. We talked for a few minutes about pregnancy and babies. Her daughter is 2 and she wants to have another one. We're going to try and stay in touch- I told her it was nice to know someone in person who I can talk to!

We have another wedding this weekend...and next weekend as well...and the weekend after that....so weekends are busy and I'm ready to do nothing...so tonight the hubby and I are just chillin at home...gotta love movie nights!!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Back from The Big Apple!

and exhausted!

However, I'm extremely grateful for an amazing trip and wonderful time spent with my sis-in-law (my hubby's sis or HS)! We've had this trip planned for months and I was lucky enough to head up to NYC for 4 days to spend with her while Hubby flew to Chicago for a Bachelor party!

Thursday, we really just layed around all day and ate some good food. I was introduced to the wonderful commuter train system that NY has. HS commutes in from the city every day so the train was always on our schedule as we ventured into the city.

We drank lots of delicious Iced coffee, had a wonderful visit to her place of work at a prestigious newspaper which was REALLY exciting, ate good food and then headed off to the wax museum. Now, I would probably never ever visit the wax museum, but she's honestly the best person on the face of the planet to visit a wax museum with- it was quite hysterical and we had an amazing and comical time!

Friday, HS's girlfriend joined us for the remainder of the weekend!! Love them both and we had a great time. We ate at a delicious chinese restaurant on Friday night- lots of food and tea and lots of girl chatter- the time passed so quickly.

Saturday we commuted in to the city again, had a quick bite to eat for lunch and visited Strand near Union Square! I love used book stores more than anything and I spent a little over an hour browsing...and purchasing :) We then headed to Max Brenner's for dinner and dessert....OMG! That is the most fabulous and delicious place I've ever eaten! I purchased some chocolates for the Hubby and because I was starting to miss him a lot- but dinner had me refocused and I plan on taking my mom there in a few weeks when we visit just so I can try a different dessert!! We then headed back up to Broadway where we had AMAZING tickets to see Promises, Promises starring Kristen Chenowith and Sean Hayes!! It was really good, although the music was not my favorite, the overall experience was fabulous!

On a side note...as we left Max Brenner's - CELEB siting!! Reese Witherspoon walked down the street stylin a grey dress and amazing tan boots! I didn't get to take a picture, but it was a super exciting moment!!

After the show, we headed back to the train station to catch the commuter train....and missed it by about 3 minutes....so we waited another hour for the train...but that proved to be some interesting people watching!

Overall, I had a fabulous trip and I feel super blessed to have joined an amazing family!

The "getting home" part today was a little long, but I'm home and resting......and the period started unfortunately....Hubby and I are currently planning out the next month or so.....

very cute...but I think he was a little more sad than I was....which made me smile in a weird way, excited for our future!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Battling the Highs

Yesterday was a first for me in my almost 5 years of diagnosed T1. For nearly 2 days, I was running high at a nice 200. No matter how much I corrected, it wouldn't come down. In the beginning, I thought it was attributed to my horrible weekend of fun and eating and not really caring what I ate, but when I was at work yesterday afternoon and my blood sugar was at a steady 400- it hit me....

My insulin was bad!

It had to be...this had never happened to me before, but I started thinking about the last couple weeks and the high temperatures and all the traveling we've been doing. There was my friends wedding a few weeks ago, where my bag was left in the car for about 2 hours in the flaming heat.....

Then there was this weekend at the wedding, where again, my insulin was left in the car for a long period of time in the heat.....that had to be the problem.

So, I left work extremely worried and picked up a new insulin prescription....what do ya know.....new insulin....blood sugar comes down!

Now I'm just really really pissed that I wasted a half a bottle of insulin.....but at least I got it figured out. I still haven't thrown it away though....it's sitting by the trash can...I just need to pull the trigger finger to push it over the edge....why can't I do that?

I'm still battling the highs a little bit though- I'm pretty much all over the place and really need to get it together...especially since I'll be in NYC all weekend...woot woot! I'm sure THAT will happen :)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Settled for now

Thank you all for your encouraging words regarding my job interview! I was super excited that I got a bite but felt a little guilty about leaving a very busy day at work early to interview- but I have to keep my options open.

The good news- I got offered the job on the spot!

The not so good news (kinda)- I turned it down- almost immediately.

The pay was atrocious and there was no wiggle room on that like I had hoped. The people interviewing me really undersold the opportunity- telling me that in the event of any funding losses- I would be the first to go. They asked a lot of questions that turned me off the job...and really kinda made me appreciate my own job- after I explained everything I do- they asked "why do you want to leave?" I explained why, but I did have a lot of fun telling them how far I had come in my current position. The kicker with the job I was interviewing for was that there were no growth opportunities for me- which is ultimately what I'm looking for!

BUT.....I had my review at my current job on Friday with my boss- there are some developments in the new future which are going to change my job drastically- so I will keep you all posted. I left feeling pretty good and re-energized about what I'm actually doing.

With trying to get pregnant and everything- the Hubby and I talked and decided I would give my current job another year and reevaluate next summer.

This has been a crazy week- we were about 4 hours south this weekend to visit family and attend a wedding! We had a great time- I love hanging out with my big family- although I have to say that I'm extremely happy to be home and on my couch this evening.

The blood sugars have been a little all over the place- it's mostly me not being responsible...plus it's really hard when you are out of town and semi not controlling what you have for dinner (I know I should- but wedding food was decided..and I WAS going to eat it!) I took another few days off the sensor again and put it back on on Sunday- the first day is always WAY off, but it seems to be settling in and more accurate over the last day. I have a major bruise where I inserted it this time....it didn't really hurt when I pushed the button, but man...that bruise is there for the long haul...ugh!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I got 1!

Yes, that's right! After months of searching for a new job and sending out 17 resumes- I finally got a job interview!

1 interview- but a good one at that. It's on Thursday at 2pm. I have to fake an appointment at my current job to get to the interview and home in time to change clothes- but I'm super excited...and nervous.

However, my suit pants are at my parents house- my mom was supposed to fix them months ago- and well- we've both forgotten about it- so we're meeting halfway tomorrow to make the exchange-I love my mom- she's great like that!

So now I'm researching and getting things ready- I need to be confident and ready to take some really hard questions..and I'm up for the task- but I really hope I'm doing the right thing....I guess it never hurts to get a little interview practice in!

My attitude at this point is- go to the interview for the experience- don't get hopeful about the job....

or a baby this month.......

But if I don't get either....I still may just cry...and that's okay!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Oh ovulation...

First of all- I apologize for the TMI of my last post to those of you who read it. I don't talk about sex that much, but it was a moment- so I posted!

So...back to...ohhhh....OVULATION. Since we are new on the TTC front, I have not invested in those handy ovulation tests to determine the best days to conceive. The Hubby and I decided we would give it a try on our own for a few months and just have lots of sex...however...I'm tired....really....LOL....and not in a bad way...but seriously- I'm not sure which day to take "off."

So, the craziness in me has been using google to pull up random ovulation calculators. I figured the more websites I went to, some key days would stand out and I would use that to go by. However, every single calculator is different and giving me different information- even though I'm entering in the EXACT information. So which one is correct?? I understand all the physical signs of ovulation and the counting, and I could take my temperature and mucus and all that....but is there not a standard calculation for figuring it out that works for most women??? According to all the calculators, I could be fertile anywhere between July 26 and August 4- but I'm sorry folks- that's a lot of sex.......

I need to figure out my body...I may just break down and buy the little tests....did anyone reading this have an easy way to calculate or a great website?? Advice?????

Sunday, August 1, 2010

5 days in a row

Really.....5 days in a row of sex.....could it get any better?

This is fun! And it must happen tonight because house guest will be here next Sunday night...yay for Sunday sex!

Nough said!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The BIG favor

So- I'm completely stressed and anxious. I probably will be for the next month or so given the big favor I've agreed to.

Here's my story...

I have a cousin- we are the same age but at completely different places in our life. She chose to get married when she was 17 and now has 2 beautiful boys (one has T1). Her husband was also very young when they got married, but the reason they chose to do so was because he joined the Marines.

They have moved ALL OVER the country- mainly living in California for the past 6 years in different places, never fully getting settled. I am grateful to say thank you to my cousin's hubby (BG) for his 3 tours of service in Iraq. I am completely and utterly thankful he has made it home 3 times with no more than a back injury.

You have to keep in mind through this story, that although my cousin and I talk on occasion- she's been gone for nearly 8 years. I've only met BG twice in my entire existence and the last time was 6 years ago......my Hubby has never met him.

So, my cousin and her beautiful family have moved back home....in Indiana- about 3 hours away from Hubby and I. She called me very unexpectedly on Monday and I was excited to return her call. They are currently living with BG's father and struggling to get on their feet (very sad- especially after 8 years of service).

Cousin: "Hey- I have a really really big favor to ask of you!"

So she asks me......BG is really struggling to get a job- he needs a license to work as a civilian- his 8 years of service does not get him a job in any company because he needs this specific license to operate heavy equipment. He needs to go back to school....there's a class in my city...

Can he come stay with you guys for 3 weeks?? It will be the end of August or end of September.

My initial reaction was of complete horror....especially since we are in full force baby making mode....kinda disrupts the plans here...maybe.

I told her I would call her back after the Hubby and I had a chance to talk.

What are we supposed to say??? They really need some help and here I am being selfish...nervous...anxious about bringing a family member (yet a complete stranger) into my home. I talk to both my parents and the Hubby and decided that it would be fine after we set a few ground rules.

Ground Rules:

1. I don't cook much....I will clear a shelf in my pantry and he's on his own for food (nor can I fund another eater in my house as we are saving for baby).

2. I'm not getting cable for his room- but when I get home from work- I want to be able to watch what I want on TV in my own home...(what would I do if he's chillin in front of the TV all day)

3. He needs to drive home on weekends- Hubby and I need some space and time- plus we have plans every single weekend....I don't want to feel like I have to entertain.

So- those are the ground rules we kinda discussed...I call cousin back....

I announce that we "gladly will host BG and welcome him into our home."

Her response- thank you- He'll be coming up on August 8th

WTF!!! August 8th- that's basically next week- I thought she said end of August at the earliest- so I question her...

Her response is that he got in the earlier class and it starts August 9th...he's going to come up Sunday night (the 8th) to get settled.

So- I tell her about some of the ground rules....mainly that we expect him to return home on weekends (I left the other 2 out). She then tells me that her and the kids will most likely come up and visit for a few days while he is here...A FEW DAYS? What the fuck is that all about? We have plans during every single weekend...and I'm not giving her full run of my house while we're goine...and 2nd...I have to work! I can't just drop everything and accommodate their instant desire to visit- she didn't even ask.

THEN...here's the kicker folks! She asks me "I have one more HUGE favor to ask of you!"

I brace myself for her question- "He needs another certification class immediately after he comes for the first 3 weeks....would it be possible for him to stay an additional 3 weeks for a GRAND TOTAL of 6 weeks?"

6 FUCKING WEEKS~! ????? NO way...no way...no way....that's an eternity with someone you've never met- and again....baby making....frustrating!

I tell her that I need to discuss with the Hubby and "let's just see how this goes first."

So- now we have company coming to live with us for a definite 3 weeks. We've decided we're going to turn down the 2nd 3 weeks and request he stay somewhere else- she did offer he could stay in a hotel.

I'm losing sleep over this....anxious all the time....and nervous. I think it's mainly because I don't know what to expect.

I feel like I'm being a bit selfish in that family needs to help family- but in my opinion- 6 weeks is a long time.

But...he did serve our country...so I'm torn....

But....what if my cousin comes up with the kids....I can't put my life on hold.

Oh what to do, what to do? I'm completely sick over this.

What would you do? What ground rules would you set? Am I being selfish or reasonable?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

And the 3rd year begins...

Happily that is! The Hubby and I had a wonderful 2 year celebration of marriage on Monday! We both had the day off work and decided to spend it doing fun things with little cost. He woke me up and delivered Panara to me in bed- delicious chocolate chip toasted bagel with hazelnut cream cheese- an occasional and scrumptious delight! Although- this was the first time Panara came with hand-delivered fresh flowers- made me smile.

Since the 2nd anniversary is the "cotton" anniversary- I passed along some new cotton boxers for him to graciously wear (and hopefully throw out a few old ones :) TMI- I know...but why do men always wear the boxers with the holes in them...unnecessary in my opinion...but always makes me laugh!

We woke up and headed to the gym after picking up a delicious 5-inch cake from my favorite bakery down the street. The workout made me feel great. Off we headed for a picnic lunch up the road at our local State Park. We had a bottle of wine and some subs- but when we got there...the Cicada's attacked us....literally. They were EVERYWHERE and neither of us enjoyed the hiking moment of bugs flying all around. We did end up finding a nice quiet spot with a picnic table overlooking the lake and we had a very enjoyable lunch.

Because of the Cicada's- we ended up at a local wine tasting shop down the road where we shared a few tastes and opened a bottle of wine- which we finished later on our porch.

Dinner was great and the bottle of champagne we drank later that evening was even better- but we spent most of the day laughing and having a great time. This was our official "baby making" kick-off- so it was even more special. Luckily- I was not fertile during our wild wine and champagne day- so hopefully that will be my last drink for a while :) And...after that evening...I don't really want to look at a drink in a long time!

So tonight I'm extremely thankful for a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage. I'm completely in love and excited to start having a family together.

This week did start off very stressful though...my cousin asked me a favor...a BIG favor....and I'm still processing as my stomach is in knots....more to come on this soon....just pray for me to have strength and generosity in my heart.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

D-Feast Friday- Belated!

It's been a crazy couple of days and I didn't have a chance to post on Friday. Oops- but on a happy note- one of my best friends got married yesterday and we had an absolute blast. I saw some old friends that I haven't seen in years and it was so great catching up. It totally made my weekend!

On another note- D-Feast Friday- must give you/show you my delicious concoction- I made this last week and took pictures- so it's pretty self explanatory- so enjoy! Be sure to chill in the fridge for maximum deliciousness!

Tomato/Cucumber Mozzo Salad

Monday, July 19, 2010

Canoeing and the pump

For our staycation this week, Hubby and I have decided to do a couple of day trips. Today....it was canoeing.

I have never been canoeing in my entire life and to say that I was not terrified would be a complete lie. However, the Hubby really really wanted to try it and so what the heck, I thought I'd give it a try. We looked up some local canoeing rental places and picked one about a half hour from where we live on a big creek.

My first question was....."what do we do if the canoe tips?"

My second questions was..."what the heck am I going to do about my pump?"

The canoe trip was roughly 6 miles and could take up to 4 hours to complete...so going without the pump for that long could have posed a problem. I pushed off an exact plan until this morning.

I got on minimed's website and tried to see if they made any "waterproof case" for my pump....nothing- although I read that many people use the sports pack....not sure about that. Let me know if that has worked for you.

So, this morning we got up and ready to go and I double bagged my meter, my phone, and my camera. I tested before we left and my blood sugar was fairly stable. Then the Hubby brought up a good point- canoeing is going to be exercise, so perhaps I didn't need my pump at all.

Good point....so I took it off and left it in the car...I was at 148.

We canoed for a little over 3 hours and had a complete blast. We didn't tip at all....although there were a few close calls. Every time we came to a point in the creek that had rapids, our boat got turned around and we sailed through backwards almost the entire time. We did see many turtles and even saw a HUGE fish jump out of the water. It was really exciting and we laughed almost the entire time.

We made it back, sunburned and tired, but safe and sound. I tested again when we got back to the car and I was at 136....Yay! Not a bad number for being off the pump for 3+ hours!

So, the moral of the story....don't let the pump keep you from canoeing!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Veggie Delight and Staycation update!

I'm loving "veggie week." I really am. I'm on day 4 and I feel fabulous and I've been eating delicious food. The Hubby and I grilled out last night and had the most delicious mix of fresh vegetables. For a snack on Friday, I stopped at the farmer's market and ate a delicious half pint of fresh blackberries- YUMMY! I was actually documenting something I made for this blog, but now I'm going to save it for D-Feast Friday- which I'm super pumped about! So check back and see my easy and delicious concoction!

Staycation has been fabulous so far. Yesterday we went to a local art festival. I saw some awesome photography that I would have liked to purchase but I was unsure where to put it, so we were just lookers for the day and came home with nothing- but it was fun. We saw Inception yesterday evening- great movie- I love the kind where you have to actually think....

So, we grilled out veggie style last night and cracked open a bottle of wine from our Napa vacation. 2 bottles and a couple of beers later = me wondering how I got to bed last night! We had so much fun though- we sat out on our front porch and talked and drank...and drank some more. The second bottle was not even that great but we managed to swiftly drink it down. The neighbors brought over some cupcakes at one point-I'm pretty sure that was havoc on the blood sugar...but I didn't really think about it and that felt great!

I'm taking a break from the sensor for a couple days. I want to remember a sense of normalcy and it feels really good to not have to worry about the sensor falling off from sweating too much in this heat or coming undone in the shower- it's the little things! But I did like the "thigh spot" and plan on using it again- maybe I'll even get brave and try it on my arm....anyone have luck with that?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

This will make your hair stand up!


Today at work (I work at a science museum)- I was scheduled with one of my co-workers to learn about our ElectroStatic Generator...you know....the machine that makes your hair stand up or can send a shock to your fingertip!

Anyway- I was all super excited to learn this crazy new trick- as I was preparing for an upcoming workshop where I wanted to show the little kids a really cook trick and teach them something about lightning and static electricity!

Anyway- my poor co-worker goes through the ENTIRE training with me....and then says, I want you to come up here and try this- you have to FEEL the shock before you can do it with small children. So, I anxiously jump up on a stool so that I was not grounded.

She looks at me and says, "first, you have to lose all that stuff!" (as she pointed to a radio I was wearing AND my insulin pump).

I said back, "but I can't take that off, it's my insulin pump and I need it."

She says, "then you can't do this- it has the potential to either shock your pump or completely drain your battery."

UH OH- I contemplated this for a minute and thought- well, I could really just take it off and move it really really far away from me- then I would be fine...right?

NOPE! Hello- the stupid little transmitter battery from my CGM sensor is still attached to my body....and I WOULD NOT want to drain the battery from that sucker....that would cost me nearly $600.

So, no new science experiments for me....thanks Diabetes for getting in the way of my fun! You suck.

I told you this post would make your hair stand up!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

A little bit sad...

Last night before I went to bed, I was feeling a little bit sad. I think part of it is friends all around me are pregnant or giving birth. I'm an avid "facebooker" and it seems that Facebook has turned into "Babybook." I'm okay with that too, it's just that it feels that many of my friends have what I want. I know I will get there one day and I'm over it today, it was just weird to feel a little sad- it was sort of hard to explain...to myself and the Hubby- so I didn't.

On a brighter note, I'm on vacation starting on Friday afternoon for a whole week and a day! I'm super pumped about my "staycaction" and looking forward to small day trips and a happy 2nd year anniversary with the hubby! Did you know that your second year anniversary is the "cotton anniversary?" I think that calls for some new boxers or something!

I haven't been very good with eating over the past couple days- maybe that is the link to my sadness? The hubby and I were chatting about eating and I think we're going to try and eat vegetarian for a week and see what happens. Anyone have any good recipes?

Perhaps I can drop the 10 pounds I want to drop in time for a happy anniversary celebration and in time to find a new dress for the upcoming 6 weddings we have before September...OY!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Psych out!

Today was the day of all Psych outs!

I've been inserting infusion sets for almost 4 years now and I'm just now to the point where I can push the button without any hesitation. For every painful insertion, it takes me another 4-5 months to get myself the point to just "do it." You'd think I would just get used to it. Now that I'm there with the infusion set, the CGM sensor has taken its place.

If you've read about my frustrations with the CGM, I've decided to try inserting the sensor in a new location with a suggestion from Scully at Canadian D-gal. Thanks Scully for the advice, but I was completely terrified to try inserting the sensor anywhere but my abdomen. So, today was the day I decided to try the thigh- she said she had better results from the thigh- so I figured I would have nothing to lose.

So, I'm standing with all my crap out ready to just stick it in the thigh- no biggie right? But then, I started psyching myself out. My Hubby was laying on the bed trying to be all supportive as I began asking him these questions...my psych out begins!

"Do you think this is going to hurt?"- as if he as ANY idea- I was just looking for him to say "of course not!"

"What's the worst thing that could happen...it could hurt right?"

"I can deal with pain for 2 minutes- afterall, in an hour I'll forget about it."

All these things I kept staying as I stood there with the sen-serter handy on the thigh- but I couldn't pull the trigger.

Psych out continues...

"Do you think this is the right spot? This is considered my thigh right?"

"Are you sure this is my thigh?"

"Can you count to 3 for me...then I'll push the button...actually..can you push the button for me?"

"There are people in the world who go through a lot more pain than this right?" (as I thought about my co-worker who just donated a kidney)

"Just do it, just do it, just do it (as I'm breathing like I'm in labor)."

The Hubby was really really supportive- but I continued to psych myself out- to the point where I put the sen-serter down several times.

But then..I took a deep breath...AND


So I say..."that was NOT bad at all!"

So far, I'm really really happy with the sensor on the thigh, so hopefully I'll get better results...and if I don't...oh well! Thanks Skully for the suggestion- I now know that it doesn't really hurt that bad, so hopefully next time it will take me less than 20 minutes to push the button!

Isn't it ridiculous what we say to ourselves? Anybody else do this or say crazy things?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

My one and only post about basketball

LeBron James- you suck! How dare you betray the city you came from, the city I CAME from. Cleveland needs a break and you just ruined all our hopes and dreams for selfish reasons. Seriously...MIAMI? So you can party up and drink with your friends in the warm weather? Lame excuse...do not go on TV and claim that Cleveland will always be home...you just betrayed your home...and now we will all betray you.

Curse on Miami...Let's go CAVS!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Please don't hit your children.....

This is a true and begging plea. PLEASE DO NOT hit your children. It is not okay to punch your kid in the face, twist their arm, call them fucking morons or tie them up to a stroller. YES- these are all experiences I've witnessed over the past year and I hope I've witnessed my last one today. This makes my job miserable, does horrible things for my blood sugar, and makes me want to run across the room and tackle the person abusing.

As a supervisor, I witness many things on a daily basis regarding parenting. Being an Early Childhood Specialist is no easy task, especially when things such as the above happen. Today, as I was interrupted in my meeting, a woman (in a public place mind you) was literally punching her child in the face until his nose began to bleed. By the time I got to the location, I was unable to witness but took the accounts of witnesses all around. As our safety team jumped in to help clean up the nose bleed, safety officer #1 noticed bruises all over the kid's (about 5 yrs) body. When she questioned him, he replies "I have bruises and cuts all over my body." I jump in to take action, prepare to call 911, when stupid mom caught on I was watching and bolted for the door. As she headed out, repeatedly hitting her child and twisting his arm, I followed after her. We were fortunate enough to get a license plate number and make/model of her car...but come on people. WHY DO YOU HIT YOUR CHILDREN? NOT OKAY!

I made a call to Children's Services and they assured me they will follow up. Luckily we had more than one witness and I gave them all the info- they assured me that they can use the license plate number to follow up- since it was a face injury- she assured me this. I must have faith in the system, I must have faith in the system, I must have faith in the system.....

UGH- horrible horrible horrible. So many people WANT to raise healthy and happy children and these morons out there are ruining our children, people who don't even want them or respect them or value you them for their uniqueness.

So do me a favor, when you see a child being abused, please make the call and report it...have faith in the system!

Sorry for the fiery post- this is one thing I ABSOLUTELY do not tolerate.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Fireworks Over Toccoa

So...this book is by Jeffry Stepakoff and I loved it! It was a perfect and easy short read for the 4th of July holiday. However, it made me count my blessings. When I finished the book, I went over and crawled in Hubby's lap and just hugged him for 5 minutes.

I couldn't imagine not being with the one I love...and for that...I'm thankful.

I had a great weekend but complained mainly about not having "official plans" for the holiday. We mainly layed around most of the morning and then hiked about 5 miles (without a low blood sugar!). We had a great dinner and time with friends, but it felt like a normal day...and not like the 4th of July. I was even kind of upset that we failed to put up the flag on our porch this year....and I think I was mainly said because I was not with my family or in the company of amazing friends as we were last year when my best friend got married.

However, in the midst of unnecessary sadness, the Hubby and I lit sparklers on the back deck. We used a candle to light them and wrote I love you's in the air and danced around like kids. The neighbors were setting off some pretty good fireworks, so we were able to take in a moment to ourselves and I loved it.

It made me long and desire for a time when little kids will be running around in the backyard catching fireflies or with sparklers in hand, watching the excitement in their eyes as their sparklers sizzle in a bucket of water after their short life of beauty. These are the possibilities in the years ahead and I'm excited, but thankful to share it all with him :)

On a side note- Granny's 80th birthday went off very well! The first things she said to me as she put her hand on my stomach and patted was "do you have something special in there for me?" Unfortunately not and I didn't know whether to take that as a sign of what she wanted or a sign of what she saw of my bulging stomach- but I'm going to think it's a nice birthday wish! Plus, we laughed a lot about it :)

Friday, July 2, 2010

Diabetic Delights! Yum!

Off work today and preparing for Hubby's Granny's 80th birthday- so I made a few diabetic delights!

I wouldn't recommend this Texas Crunch if you're trying to control blood sugar...but it's so delicious!

So, I made this as well....yes, it's only these 3 ingredients and very Diabetic Friendly...really!

Which then turns into this yummy looking fruit dip- great with pineapple, strawberries, grapes, cantelope and watermelon!
Stir the yogurt and cool whip together. Add the powder from the sugar free/fat free pudding...whip it in and let it sit in your fridge for several hours or overnight. Then whip it up (so the pudding kinda does its job!) YUMMY!

Happy 4th of July everyone! Enjoy!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

15 in the mail!

Well I did it! With tremendous help and encouragement from the Hubby, I mailed out 15 cover letters and resumes today! I guess that means I'm officially on the job hunt. After today's work day, I'm extremely happy about this and excited for prospective calls in the next few weeks. I've decided that if I don't get any calls at all, then it maybe is not the right time to make such a big change, but I'm secretly hoping they call...and all of them :)

The blood sugar has been really good over the past few days- all under 120 and only going low a few times. Working out has continued to be difficult but I've managed with keeping a positive attitude and help of hubby encouragement. We did some ab work a couple days ago, ohhhh myyyy goddd!! Killing me today to even bend over...but it feels good to hurt :)

I'm sure the blood sugars will be shot this weekend. I'm baking tonight and getting ready for Hubby's Granny's 80th birthday party. I'm excited for amazing family time but not excited for the sugars to come. I'm going to try reallly really hard to keep it under control and not go overboard with eating...like I tend to do!

On a side note....watched Shutter Island last night...CREEPY!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Gym take 2~

I'm going to do it...I'm going to try the gym again after I eat dinner and pray really really hard that my blood sugar will stay high enough to prevent me from stopping. It seems that I only have success when I work out pre-dinner- but that is totally inconvenient for me and I WILL find a solution.

It was such a victorious feeling to make it a full hour on the eliptical with no drop in blood sugar and steady numbers afterward. It's motivating to make me go again this evening- perhaps watching the bachelorette as I go!

So the hubby and I are back on track for TTC I believe. Our 2 year anniversary is swiftly approaching in less than a month and he's on board, and so am I. I love that he is so concerned and has started talking about his feelings more- I feel so much more in tune to our wants and needs. We were joking around about baby names last night and he threw out the name "Larry" for a boy. Are you kidding me?? No offense to anyone names Larry out there, but seriously....not a good fit for our household. The hubby got a big kick out of my reaction so he continues to mention it....it wouldn't surprise me if he uses it sooo much that we actually do end up with a little Larry one day....

So now that the emotions are back on track, I'm still not feeling the medtronic CGM- it's wrong all the time and continually says that I'm low still when I'm absolutely not. I'm not sure what to do- stick with it for a couple more weeks? I'm more in tune with the D than I ever have been and I did get the A1c down to 6.3 without it, so I'm wondering what the point is.....

Wish me luck as I eat and head to the gym....keep those sugars high!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Mother nature attacks the end of the weekend!

As I write this post...mother nature is laying down the law! My goodness- storms are coming in quickly and the sky was more black than I've seen it in a long time. However, I love a good stormy Sunday evening- but it does make it difficult to go to work on a Monday.

The weekend was pretty good. My friend N and her new boyfriend came up for the night. I love having company because it gets my house clean...and we usually go somewhere good to eat- Mexican in this case...which I love! And....AND...then N wanted to take the new boy to Jeni's Ice Cream which a local place around here that has the BEST ice cream ever...I usually get Queen City Cayenne which is a very spicy and chocolaty delight and it was FANTASTIC. I've been trying to eat a more healthy diet this week and it's going pretty well so far (except for the large fillet of steak I had today for dinner and the ice cream). Although Man vs. Food is on right now and I'm tempted to eat a big basket of fries and a large grilled cheese sandwich.

I had to work Saturday morning which went really fast. I'm really conflicted about what I should decide to do at this point in my life. My job is amazing for the most part, but I think I'm ready for something new. I work with a bunch of women and I'm tired of all the drama. Does anyone else have drama in the work place? If so, I'm getting tired of it and I'm ready to move on. My resume is almost complete and ready to send out to a few agencies in the area this week- hopefully I'll get a bite!

Today was so much fun. The Hubby and I visited some local caverns in the area and we had a blast. The caves were a solid 54 degrees F and it felt wonderful in this dramatic heat wave of 90's this week. We laughed and laughed, took some photos (posted below) and then came home and watched a good movie - Extraordinary Measures- very good and grilled some steak on the grill! Now- we're watching the storm roll in and it's a big one!

On a great note- I got a good solid 1 HOUR workout in this morning with NO LOWS! It was amazing and I felt great- The trick was drinking a glass of soy milk right before I left which carried me steadily through the workout! It's motivating to get me there tomorrow :)

This is me at the "table" in the caverns- apparently the Wyandot Indians used this as a meeting place for tribal meetings and sacrifices! Pretty cool!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I was on my way to the gym

I took a half day today at work because I have to work on Saturday. I was all super excited, TIME TO WORK OUT! I had it all planned and was actually excited about finding the time to use my gym membership. I checked the CGM- rising high at 268 and climbing...way too high but a perfect opportunity to get a good workout in and bring that high down.

I got ready...ran 1 errand and my CGM beeps at me...Calibrate by 4pm! So...I steady...I check my BG with my meter...and what does it say.....74! WTF? I checked again......84! As if that was not enough......I checked once more just to be sure......71!

I guess I'm not going to the gym...and I didn't even feel the teeny tiny low but I usually do. I'm not sitting on the couch, eating a few apricots (healthy snack) to bring it back up and then a little bit high so that I can go get a good workout in to burn off the calories I just ate. UGH!

I went to the gym last night and only could workout for 20 minutes before plummeting to 74 and lower. I tried the Gatorade method...drink the sugar while I was working out...which miserably failed.

At least I had a fruit cup and grilled chicken salad for lunch...those damn apricots had to ruin everything :)

But...I am on my way to the gym...let's hope I'm not back in 20 minutes.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

my new little friend....O

I was at work today (a very crappy day) and a little piece of light showed up in my life. Some great friends of mine showed up where I work today and I went to say hello and have a little snack with them. My friend M (9 years) and her brother C (7 years) were so excited to see me...as was I of them. C is on the Autism Spectrum and I did therapy with him for almost 3 years throughout my college years. He still brings me complete and utter joy every single time I see him. Here's a recent conversation between C and myself.

I showed up to C's house for a baby shower....he sees me walking up the driveway.

C: "Brigdon, I feel sorry for you!"

Me: "Why do you feel sorry for me, buddy?"

C: "You have diabetes and you have a pump."

Me: "C- you don't have to feel sorry for me, I'm healthy and happy and my pump helps me"

C: pulls my pump out of my pocket (he likes to hold it and look at the buttons) and says- "but you have Diabetes and you used to NOT have it, but now you do"

Me: "C- that's very true, but I'm healthy so you don't have to worry about me."

C: "I still feel sorry for you....see you later....are you going to be okay?"

Me: "Yes C- I'm going to be fine- thanks for being concerned about me, see you soon!"

I absolutely loved this moment. When I started working with C, he did not talk at all and we never thought he would, but now, he won't stop talking, and he's so concerned about everything and everybody...love my little buddy.

So, C and M and their mom show up at my work, and M has a little friend with her....O! O, 9 years old, has Type 1 Diabetes! C informs me of this upon our meeting and tells me that O has a pump. O brings out her bright PINK medtronic pump- soo...

I take out mine and say- "Hey- I have one of those too!" You should have SEEN her eyes light up. She then proceeded to ask me a bizillion questions about Diabetes and my pump. I showed her my CGM and she says- "Oh I'm so jealous of you! My insurance won't cover that!". I felt bad but she was super excited for me to show her my nifty graphs. I think it's kind of sad that a 9 year old knows what her insurance won't cover, but then again, I don't know if she really knows what I showed her.

She told me a little bit about herself, she "got diabetes" when she was 2 and got her pump at the age of 4. She's broken her pump every 2 years which has gotten her the nifty pink pump, which I'm slightly jealous of. She sat there and ate popcorn while M and C had pizza and ice cream- she didn't think twice. I told her "I'll not eat that with you!" She laughed and smiled and asked me a few more questions- "have you been in the hospital?" and "I hate it when I go low, I've passed out 7 times!" She told me about a Diabetes Camp she is attending this summer that she loves (I've now applied to volunteer for the week!). As we sat there, her blood sugar was 444! M and C's mom called O's mom and told her to drink some water and correct with the pump. I could tell she felt really crummy, but she did smile and laugh and she was a little bit of hope in my crazy and stressful day!

I hope to stay in touch with O- she's already my friend.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Back on track!

With a combination of beautiful weather and a wonderful weekend- I think I'm getting back on track (with the exception of the CGM). I'm feeling pretty good today and in celebration of being happy- I'm giving myself a movie day. Yes...that's right..I rented 5 movies and I'm going to watch all of them by Wednesday.

Not really much to do today, we celebrated dad's day with my parents yesterday and had a great time. My dad grilled some amazing steaks and we ate lots and lots of food- it wasn't as disasterous on the BG as I thought it would be. It was good to see them since I hadn't since the great vacation. We had to leave a little early because the Hubby's boss invited us to a concert. We had a really good time, as much as you can at a symphany orchestra, but it was outside so it was a little hot, but ended up being a beautiful night.

The hubby and I had a nice long chat last night about the future and what we want/need. It was super helpful to get back on the same page- we talked about fears and concerns about having a baby and worked through a few things and I think we're both feeling better.

I'm still not 100% loving the CGM- but it's getting better. It took so long for it to warm up the other day when I put a new sensor in- I thought I was going to have to do it again and that did not make me happy at all- but eventually it all worked out and I began operating like a human robot again.

I think that's all I have to say for now- (lamest post EVA) but on a side not....see the pic below with the wonderful gift I received from my father-in-law!!!

Yes...that's right...it's a super sized economy pack of ROLLED life savers! Best gift eva!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

the endo results are in....

AND....I'm at 6.3!!!!! Wow! I can't believe it! This was the best news I ever could have gotten in the past month (sounds lame) but so true! I was at 7.3 three months ago and I've worked my butt off (with nearly no exercise) and it's at 6.3! The hubby knew I was looking for 6.5 or lower and he was trying to give me a pep talk last night that if things didn't go as planned, that it would be okay! This is even better than what I asked for. I think this calls for a celebration!

I left work early to head to the med center to register and get blood work. Thank goodness I didn't have to give a urine sample today. Some lady in there while they were taking blood spilled her entire cup all over the toilet, sink, and floor. It gave me the jitters just thinking about it- and I had to pee (just in case) and finally found another bathroom down the hall. I met with the Nurse Practitioner today...whom I LOVE! She was absolutely fabulous- she spent over an hour with me which made me feel important and that she cared. She brainstormed ideas with me on how to make "work outs" possible for me. We're going to try cutting my bolus for dinner in half and see if that helps. I'll also track those pre/post numbers- and we have a backup plan if that doesn't work.

I asked her about the CGM and she showed me the data from the sensor readings comparative to my meter readings- actually pretty close. She told me that overall it was pretty spot on and that I am probably just a little hyper aware and to give it some time. I'm going to try and calibrate ONLY 3 times a day and see if that helps some!

We then started making some changes and compromising on some (which was awesome) and then she laughed and said "ooohh- maybe we shouldn't change these numbers- Diabetes Educator lady is needing my info tomorrow and we probably just screwed up all the baseline data we just got!" Oh well- I'll deal with the consequences and DE lady can suck it up.

So- I'm pretty much in a good mood now and looking for a great way to celebrate!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Dear CGM-

I'm NOT LOW! PLEASE STOP BEEPING AT ME! I'm not low now, nor have I been at any point today. I just ate lunch and check and I'm at 132...not 70 as you continue to tell me. Please correct your error immediately!

Thank you!

Your newest client

:) I feel better now

Monday, June 14, 2010

The girl on the box...

For those of you who have a Medtronic insulin pump- have you ever noticed the girl on the box that your pump comes in? She's all sitting there...styling her insulin pump and her CGM...eating a piece of pizza of all things. I hate the pump girl on the box. I absolutely despise her. How is she sitting there...all happy...eating a slice of pizza..acting like that's okay! I don't know about most of you...but insulin pumps really do NOT help with eating pizza. Maybe Medtronic should think about that next time they develop a crappy CGM and send it to me with a girl on the box. I hate the girl on the box.

I'm completely and 100% frustrated with my CGM today. I'm on day 4 and this thing seems to be completely worthless. I've done nothing but treat it well. I've calibrated many times each day, making sure I'm steady and entering the numbers in. I thought this was a simple and helpful reminder to continue testing with my meter. Things seemed great the first 2 days...and then..bam.

Saturday night and Sunday, I was pretty much high all day. This hasn't happened to me in a long time because of the rapid testing 10x a day. However, Diabetes Educator lady told me NOT to correct anything over 250 so they can work on getting my baseline, unless I eat something. So....tired of being high all day, I eat a granola bar so I can correct the high and I knew the exact amount of carbs....3 hours later...still high...WTF?

Wake up this morning, still frustrated at high readings on the sensor and on my meter. Plus, they are more than 40 points apart every single time I check it. I was high all day at work...feeling like shit. I called DE lady and of course, she doesn't return my call. I just wanted her to tell me it was okay to correct when it was over 200, no returned phone call = much frustration.

Trying to keep a positive attitude- I made stuffed peppers for dinner. The Hubby and I got in the car and headed to the gym. I was excited...I'm going to drop the 20 pounds I need to. Middle of the workout, sensor is steady at 120 and 113..I'm feeling good, but decide to check for the hell of it with my meter. 50! Yes, that's right...50! So, I stop my workout, chew on some life savers and wait for my sensor to alarm that "hello, you're low!" About 20 minutes into my hypo and on my way home from the gym, sensor FINALLY alarms at 78 with 1 arrow down. However, my meter screams at 103.......UGH.....Thank GOD I'm going to the Endo on Wednesday....if this continues to go like this....it's a useless piece of crap.

Please...someone share something positive about their Minimed CGM?? The pizza girl on the box isn't cutting it for me!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Craptastic news...

Sorry to be such a bummer in the month of June...but in the words of my former co-worker...this is Bummer June. Here goes!

1. On Wednesday, my worked layed off 7 people. They waited until the end of the day and no one knew it was coming. I knew all of them and I feel SO BAD for them. The organization promised that this was a "strategic business move" and needed to eliminate wasteful positions. I think it's their ploy to deny the rest of us raises for another year. Oy!

2. I went to pick up my insulin prescription at the pharmacy. I usually get 2 vials for $50. However, the insurance company MedCo did an audit and now only allows me to get 1 vial for $50. They also want me to refill my prescription every 17 days. So basically, the costs of my insulin just doubled. I called the doctor and she wrote me a new prescription wording it in a way where I could get 2 bottles, but I still hate MedCo. Too bad my husband's insurance is not any better.

3. It's a long story and I'm not sure I'm 100% ready to talk in detail, but we are putting a hold on the TTC for a while. Hubby had a little "freak out" for lack of a better term and we need some time to talk some more. I don't want to move forward unless he's 100% sure and I'm okay with that...I just wish he had told me how he was feeling sooner. I was extremely upset but after looking at our busy summer, this may be the best decision for a while. Who knows....he may be ready by next month- we just are talking about it more and that's a good thing. It made me feel really stupid though.

4. When the Hubby got home from work yesterday, he noticed my car had a flat tire- Fan-fucking-tastic. The car place was already closed and I needed to leave for doctor's appointments this morning before they opened- so I had to take Hubby to work and depend on a friend to help me out.

5. In the process of moving some things from my car to my Hubby's car because of the flat tire....I kicked a crate of stuff really really hard on accident and broke my pinky toe. OMG- it hurts so bad!

6, Went to the Diabetes Educator Sensor Class this morning! The sensor is in and I'm officially on a CGM! I bled pretty bad but the pain was NOT as bad as I thought it was going to be. However, about half way through the day while I was running errands, I ran out of insulin- so now I'm pissed it screwed with my numbers. My DE told me that I should not correct for highs under 250 for the next couple weeks so that we can find my baseline basal accurately- this is very hard.

7. Nurse looked at my toe- definitely broken- nothing that can be done...at least I can walk.

8. Eye appointment went fabulous! No signs of diabetes damage- thank goodness- my contact prescription changed slightly. I love my eye doc. My Hubby told me I should marry him.......then I laughed for the first time today :)

9. I picked up the car from the tire place this afternoon- they DIDN'T charge me...I couldn't believe it...they fixed the hole for free. I decided that I love Discount Tire and may possibly purchase some tires from them in the future.

10. Sensor is working very well- I'm playing around with it the best I can. My entire house is CLEAN which is making me soooo happy. SiL and Bro, and my cousin and her husband are on their way up tonight for the weekend! I'm looking forward to it...minus the baby talk- but they are running a couple hours behind...hence I had time to post to all you lovely readers!

My mission is to be more positive next week....perhaps I will have good news...if not..I will make an effort to!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The lows blow...

Today has not been that successful.Those of you who are reading my blog and hoping to find inspiration to work out.....I'm really not your girl. However, I did make a commitment to try 30 days...and that's still my plan. My plan was foiled today by a case of low blood sugars...pretty much ALL DAY. My day started off slow with a small stomach ache (and I was applying for a new job). I finally got my butt out of bed and headed into work. Low blood sugars in the morning...low blood sugars in the afternoon. I left work, and upon my arrival at home....my neighbors were out celebrating the neighborhood's last day of school. "Come drink some wine with us!" was all I heard and before you knew it...I was tipsy...and LOW! WTF??? This totally foiled my plan to work out (don't worry- I was going to run in the neighborhood, no driving after drinking...and plus...after tonight...no drinking- hopefully for the next 9 months). At any rate...it would NOT come up. I tested later tonight and it was at 41- my vision was going all wacky and I broke out in a cold sweat. It was a BAD low....the kind where I chewed 6 life savers and then went straight for the pantry and devoured almost an entire bag of chips. I hate it when I do that...so now I need to make it 31 days just to make up for all the calories I ate to correct the low. Ugh...so frustrating. Now I'm at 236- not surprising given my binge eating. Pump, pump away through the night. Hubby will be home tomorrow night so hopefully I can get back to normal.

On a good note...I hung 2 sets of curtains in the spare bedrooms this evening. I'm preparing for wonderful company this weekend- still so much to do!

Monday, June 7, 2010

I can do anything for 30 days!

Do you see the optimism in my title? It's going to happen...and all of YOU are going to make me do it!

I've pretty much decided that I'm fat and I need to lose a few pounds...especially before a baby is on the way and I can't lose it all. Plus, I need to look better for all the sex I'm going to be having over the next couple months. I figure...if I'm more confident in the way I look, I'll be more in the mood which = better baby making fun :)

At any rate..I've decided to try working out for 30 days and see how much weight I can lose....because I can do ANYTHING for 30 days right? I like this goal because there is no set amount of pounds that needs to be lost...just a commitment to be more active and work out/run/walk/hike every single day for 30 days...can't be that hard right? You all need to yell and scream at me and remind me of my promise to myself, my future child, and my sex life that this will be good for me!

I go to the eye doctor on Friday...hoping for a good check up.....endo is next week...hoping for an even better check up. Blood sugars have been good for the most part..until I ate some Salty Carmel Jeni's ice cream tonight- I can never resist it...especially when the Hubby is out of town and I'm home alone. I've given up "giving up ice cream"- I'll forever be an ice cream junkie and that is also in my 30 day plan.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Topping off the week of tears...

I just spent almost 2 lovely weeks with my parents and my brother and sis-in-law. It was definitely quality bonding time that we all really needed. My sister-in-law have a semi-rocky relationship but for the most part we manage to get along. We don't talk on a regular basis but we get together a lot and fill each other in on the important parts of our lives. Except- I typically leave a few details of my life out- simply because I want the big surprise to everyone when I announce I'm pregnant (I've visualized this many times).

At any rate....my sister-in-law (we'll call her SiL) texted me yesterday and told me to call her when I had some time to talk by myself. I over analyze this message over and over because you never know what SiL is going to say. I was suspecting that this had something to do with vacation or whatever.

I called her back just as I was getting home from work and she seemed sad, so I asked "is everything okay?" So- thus begins the story.

Apparently my brother and SiL have been trying to get pregnant for about 18 months. I couldn't believe it! However...the 18 month part hit me and I realized there was a problem. She had some tests done yesterday and they found out that one of her ovaries is either completely blocked or non-existant. In addition- my brother had some tests done and his count is low = difficult baby making. Through all of vacation- I had NO IDEA this was happening and I immediately began to cry. How sad I am for them that they have to go through this. She's going for an MRI next week to do some further testing, but she was an absolute ball of tears and I didn't know what to say except- you have the support from our family and we'll be with you through the entire process. She's going to start seeing a fertility doctor to find out about options. My cousin has been trying for almost 2 years and is going through the same thing- so they can talk to each other about this which is good, but at the same time..there's this other little problem.

Since we were all being open and up front, it would have been a great moment for me to tell her that Hubby and I are TTC...but given the circumstances of the story...this was absolutely the WORST time to bring this up...so I didn't. Instead, I find myself wondering what the hell do I tell them if I get pregnant first....or worse...what happens if this happens to me?

I'm still processing what is going on, but SiL and Bro and my cousin and her husband are coming up next weekend, so I'm absolutely sure that baby talk will be coming up...except that no one knows that Hubby and I are TTC......oy! Anyone else been in this situation?? I'm not sure whether to just tell them or let this settle for a bit and see what happens?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

It's okay to cry.

I've learned this over my short 25 years of life and I'm good at it. I'm really really good at opening up the valves and letting loose. I really think it's a combination of things today that helped me let the tears flow, but it felt good and I know it's okay to be sad for a day.

1. Vacation is over...so I know I'm in post-vaca mode and it sucks. It sucks going back to work and it sucks when I hate my job every other day.

2. My period started...again. I know it's still super early in the TTC stage of my life and I suspected it would come this month, but it still sucks. I can't help but hope it happens quickly because for so many people it takes so long. I feel that I should get a break with getting pregnant because I already have to deal with the Diabetes. Is this selfish? I'm sure some of you reading this are probably thinking so, especially those who have the D and fertility problems, you probably think so, but don't you think God should have given you a break?

3. Did I mention that I'm hating my job? I'm an Early Childhood Specialist and manager at a very large science museum and my boss keeps piling on the work. No matter how much I tell her that I cannot possibly take on any more...she doesn't seem to care and arrives late and leaves early almost every day this week and in weeks prior. I can't even catch my breath or take 5 minutes to eat lunch in peace while she leaves early and browses the web all day. She's told me before "you'll understand when you have kids." She's got 4 of them under the age of 6, but I think her little comment is a sign that maybe she's not invested in working. Is it bad that I want her job and sometimes encourage her to possibly think about staying at home?

I think that's all for now that's making me somewhat sad and I know the hormones from flo are making everything worse...but my Hubby has been super awesome this week with being in tune to how I feel and I love him for that. We're going to go hiking tonight...hope I don't go low which seems to be the situation during walks in the park lately.

I'll get the grill started....perhaps I can mentally escape to California and beaches!

Thanks for listening/reading my vent!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

And the writing just got better!

The last week has been trying. Home from vacation and back to work really sucks, AND, on top of it all, our computer crashed. I'm surprised the cheap laptop lasted as long as it did, but we ended up having to pay $100 to retrieve my thousands of pictures over the past 3 years that were on my computer. The Hubby and I immediately began the shop for a new PC.

We picked one out and it was really nice (although secretly I REALLY REALLY wanted the MacBook Pro from Apple) but that didn't seem feasible in the budget with the TTC and all. I did a cancer fundraiser this past Saturday and the Hubby went out to buy the new computer that we had agreed on.

Arriving home from the fundraiser and on the table was sitting my new and wonderful MacBook Pro! I couldn't believe it! He's horrible at surprises, but this time he got me and I love him a little more for it!

I'm trying new things since this computer actually worked and was able to Skype with my best friend who lives in Iowa! It was awesome...totally made my crappy day all the more better!

At any rate, my CGM was supposed to arrive via UPS today, but it still hasn't. I already lied to the doctor and told her I got it on Friday (it was supposed to arrive on Friday), but now God is punishing me for lying to the endo which was really just a stab for her making me take an $800 class. I called Medtronic and left a message....do you think they called me back???? I'll give you one guess.

The Hubby and I are gearing up in baby mode though.....although I have a strong feeling that my period will come in the next couple days. We're still in the beginning stages of trying so I'm not worried, but just having fun. Hubby got really excited yesterday when we saw BABIES at the theatre....so cute and eye opening. I think it sealed the deal though that we are moving on the right track as we had great conversation the remainder of the evening :)

Sunday, May 30, 2010

The CGM is on the way!

So...I told you all that I had a story regarding my CGM. After getting home from vacation (see pics below!), my Hubby and I attended an informational class at our local medical center/my doctor's office. I was trying to decide between the DexCom CGM or the Real Time System with Medtronic that will simply just become a part of my pump.

I went to this "informational meeting" with a couple questions in mind.
1. What is the cost going to be?
2. Is this going to hurt?

To make a really long story short...the class was helpful and I had a chance to talk to some other D's that have either just started using a CGM or are looking into it like me. Included in the class was this woman who was a T1 since the age of 9. When she became an adult, her kidneys began failing so she received a Pancreas/Kidney transplant. Her new pancreas worked for 17 YEARS and then just decided to stop working. Can you imagine being "cured" (minus all the meds you probably have to take) and then having it fail again...only to have to re-learn about managing Diabetes in 2010? She's on the list for another transplant, but the D educator was trying to tell her that if she gets everything under control, maybe she wouldn't want to go through another risky surgery. I don't know...but I felt bad for her and for a moment considered myself lucky to not have to make those choices.

At any rate, I decided to go with the Real Time System with Medtronic. Although I hear that the transmitter itself hurts a lot worse than DexCom, I already have the pump and it would be one less thing to carry around.

If I had the Dexcom...I would have to carry...
1. Dexcom Device
2. Wear my pump/ and infusion set
3. Wear the transmitter
4. Carry my BG meter

1. Pump
3. Meter


So, I made the decision and told the D educator who informed me that in addition to getting the CGM, I needed to take classes that go along with it...including a 6 hour/2 day class about reviewing DIABETES MANAGEMENT! Give me a fucking break.. I do not need a review on managing Diabetes. AND...here's the kicker...it costs $800....$800! No way....but then she told me that I HAD to take the class or the doc wouldn't write the prescription. In addition, D educator mistakenly told everyone that they have these classes for research purposes....so great...now I'm a guinea pig. I left very pissed off and feeling defeated.

I went ahead and ordered the CGM anyway...the stupid doc had already faxed in the prescription...what's she going to do to me when I don't take the class? I told the Medtronic rep my situation and she tried to talk me into taking the class...I told her I would take my chances.

So, the system is being shipped. The D educ. called me the next day and told me that the doctor waived the classes for me. I still have to take the sensor classes, but at least that seems a little more reasonable and I don't have to take 2 separate afternoons off at work during my busiest time of year.

The CGM is arriving on Tuesday...I'm excited to use it but hope I don't have some of the problems that many of you have had.

I posted some vacation photos below! Enjoy....I miss it already!

VEGAS! Outside the Bellagio! Beautiful day!

Yosemite National Park in California...on our way to Bridalvail Falls...absolutely beautiful!

On the way to Alcatraz...my low blood sugar reading on the ferry required me to pop some Life Savers!

The Hubby and I at Lake Tahoe!

Andretti Winery in Napa Valley, CA