Thursday, January 27, 2011

My mom knows....

She know that we are TTC. I had to tell her. My crazy emotions forced me to do it....and I didn't want to.

I was freaking out this week about the ultrasound and everything that has been going on in my life (including the fact that I did NOT get the job I really wanted) and my mom started asking me all sorts of questions. In the process of telling her "why" they were doing certain tests- I blurted it out. "I didn't want to tell you this way, but Hubby and I have been trying to have a baby for almost 9 months."

She didn't really say much..nor did she react the way I thought she would- but to give her credit- I was an emotional wreck and I'm pretty sure she was trying to remain as calm as possible.

So I get an email today from her...."I haven't told anyone. It's your personal business and I know you don't want me to know everything." Of course......this is a cue that she's DYING to tell someone and wants me to give her more information.

I simply replied- "Please don't tell ANYONE (including my brother and SIL) and that we are trying to wrap our heads around the next steps and I would fill her in accordingly." This is going to be a long long road.....

I LOVE my mother...but I didn't want to tell her this way. I always pictured it being a HUGE surprise and her and my dad crying and clapping and being excited....I'm blaming it all on my emotions. I think that's fair.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


I had my GYN appointment today.....thank GOD the Hubby attended with me. I was so eternally grateful for his support! His first time at the GYNO and he was looking around for other men...and sighed a breathe of relief when he saw one!

I guess we're making progress- at least I got some answers today. The doc did an internal exam- I have a tilted uterus. She went ahead and did preliminary blood work to "rule out" anything major preventing pregnancy- including thyroid, etc. That made me really happy- thanks to "anonymous" from a few posts ago- I feel better already- why not rule out things?

I waited over an hour for my ultrasound. I knew something was wrong from the minute the tech sat down. She said- "have you ever been told that you have fibroids?" I simply replied "no...what are fibroids." She says to me- "they are tiny tumors, they are usually benign and you have 2 of them." Thanks Ultrasound Tech- she had no further info to give me...

She turned her little computer screen away from me and started typing- clearly not wanting me to see. We were supposed to leave immediately after the ultrasound because we had been there for over 3 hours...and she says "please wait here- I need to get the doctor."

Doctor comes in- I do indeed have 2 Fibroids- apparently something not to worry about...but something to monitor. They were benign. In addition- the aching pain on the right side of my abdomen is IN FACT a cyst. Thanks for hating me body!

So...the weird period I had last week- should NOT be counted as a period. She thinks it was bleeding caused by the cyst on my ovary. She thinks I actually ovulated last week...and not the week before as I thought...and I should get my period in 7-10 days. She said there is a small chance that I could still be pregnant...but would be too early to tell. Given my sex life over the past week...hardly possible :)

I feel better now that I have a few answers. She told me that there is absolutely NOTHING that I should be worried about regarding my fertility as of now. Everything found today should not have a direct effect- but I'm holding my breath until all the tests come back. Should know more information by Friday.

I have a follow up ultra sound towards the end of February already scheduled- at least we can keep the discussion going.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Can you be my "web MD?"

Symptoms: (for some of you, this may be tmi)

Period 5 days early (after 6 months of normal 28 day cycles)= 23 days
Period consisting of BROWN blood (very light)- followed by dark black and heavy for about 12 hours...followed by more BROWN blood for about a half day. My "period" ended in about 2 1/2 days instead of the normal 5.

Lower RIGHT abdominal pains (sharp and pulsing....but not extremely painful)- constant and very clearly on the right- we're on day 3 of this.

Lower RIGHT back pain- lasted about 1 day

Negative pregnancy test- after drinking lots of hot tea and in the evening (too diluted?)

Off to the doctor on Wednesday.....the nurse mentioned the word "cyst" which is really freaking me out...anyone had a cyst with the above symptoms???

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Feeling frustrated...

I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since my last post. The holidays were crazy and I think I just needed some time to prioritize my life and become mentally re-balanced...if that's even possible.

I feeling a bit frustrated....actually...a lot frustrated- so I decided to channel my energy here- simply so I can breathe and relax...and perhaps get some advice.

Hubby and I are headed into our 8th month of TTC. I never dreamed it would take this long and it seems that some of my biggest fears are coming true. But then I feel selfish, because I personally know many friends and family members who have waited much longer than 8 months and some of them for more than 3 years. So, I feel extremely conflicted in how I'm supposed to feel and who I can share those feelings with.

I've technically been off birth control for almost a year now....and for several of those months afterwards, we were not TRYING to get pregnant but most of the time we were not preventing either. We seriously started trying in July....and we are now.

I have a GYN appointment next month and I'm going to ask her what I should do....I can hear her words now..."just keep trying." Why are those words so hard to wouldn't be as bad if the Hubby was not just as disappointed as I am.

I'm sure my anxiety surrounding TTC is contributing to complications...but any advice on how to turn it off? I would love to "not think about it"- but that seems nearly impossible. My period is all out of whack- this came 5 days early....this has NEVER happened to me before which really only gave me a 22 day cycle- does that not scream that something is wrong?

Should I become even more neurotic and chart my BBT and measure mucus and purchase more of those stupid ovulation sticks? Those of you who have been through this before....what's your advice?

On another note, SIL is FINALLY pregnant! I'm so super excited for them after a 2 year battle with infertility...I can't believe I'm going to be an Aunt this July! I wanna be on that boat too!

On the Diabetes front, things have been going pretty well. I got a NEW PUMP! Animas Ping- it's working out so far- loving the remote option- but I do miss the simplicity of the Medtronic screens and buttons. Oh well- the insurance things is another battle that has no end in sight....I won't talk about that today...

On the Job front, I had a 3rd interview yesterday. Things at my current place of employment are almost unbearable, so I applied somewhere else and I know it's between me and another person. I think the 3rd interview went well....hope to hear something on Monday. Please pray for me....I really need this job!

I've been going to church every Sunday since the new year....I need to have God on my side if things are going to get tricky. However, I'm wondering if asking for a new job and asking for a baby at the same time is too much to ask?