Saturday, January 22, 2011

Feeling frustrated...

I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since my last post. The holidays were crazy and I think I just needed some time to prioritize my life and become mentally re-balanced...if that's even possible.

I feeling a bit frustrated....actually...a lot frustrated- so I decided to channel my energy here- simply so I can breathe and relax...and perhaps get some advice.

Hubby and I are headed into our 8th month of TTC. I never dreamed it would take this long and it seems that some of my biggest fears are coming true. But then I feel selfish, because I personally know many friends and family members who have waited much longer than 8 months and some of them for more than 3 years. So, I feel extremely conflicted in how I'm supposed to feel and who I can share those feelings with.

I've technically been off birth control for almost a year now....and for several of those months afterwards, we were not TRYING to get pregnant but most of the time we were not preventing either. We seriously started trying in July....and we are now.

I have a GYN appointment next month and I'm going to ask her what I should do....I can hear her words now..."just keep trying." Why are those words so hard to wouldn't be as bad if the Hubby was not just as disappointed as I am.

I'm sure my anxiety surrounding TTC is contributing to complications...but any advice on how to turn it off? I would love to "not think about it"- but that seems nearly impossible. My period is all out of whack- this came 5 days early....this has NEVER happened to me before which really only gave me a 22 day cycle- does that not scream that something is wrong?

Should I become even more neurotic and chart my BBT and measure mucus and purchase more of those stupid ovulation sticks? Those of you who have been through this before....what's your advice?

On another note, SIL is FINALLY pregnant! I'm so super excited for them after a 2 year battle with infertility...I can't believe I'm going to be an Aunt this July! I wanna be on that boat too!

On the Diabetes front, things have been going pretty well. I got a NEW PUMP! Animas Ping- it's working out so far- loving the remote option- but I do miss the simplicity of the Medtronic screens and buttons. Oh well- the insurance things is another battle that has no end in sight....I won't talk about that today...

On the Job front, I had a 3rd interview yesterday. Things at my current place of employment are almost unbearable, so I applied somewhere else and I know it's between me and another person. I think the 3rd interview went well....hope to hear something on Monday. Please pray for me....I really need this job!

I've been going to church every Sunday since the new year....I need to have God on my side if things are going to get tricky. However, I'm wondering if asking for a new job and asking for a baby at the same time is too much to ask?


  1. You definitely should not feel bad about your feelings about length of time TTC. It's a very personal journey, and no one has the right to make you think that your feelings are unimportant! Just keep doing one thing at a time to get to your goal.

    And great news about the job interview! Good luck! :)

  2. I too have been TTC, for what feels like forever. It's a really difficult road to be on, no doubt. I know everyone says to "just relax", but that's almost like saying "dont ever speak to your mother again". It's all you can focus on and all you want to do.
    All the advise I can give from my own (still TTC) experience is there is no harm in getting your doctor to run all the tests available. If you're a couple who needs outside intervention then I say go for it!
    If you think about it, truly it's called the miracle of life because it truly is a miracle that anyone ever gets pregnant...since every little everything must be in line in order for conception to happen? I didn't know that, and now I truly see how miraculous it all is. Not just on a spiritual front, but just generally.
    All the best to you & your hubby and I'm sending you baby dust!

  3. Kaitake- I think you are fabulous in what you are trying to do with your letter! Thanks for your words of encouragement- it means a lot!

    Anonymous- thanks for relating! I made an appointment for Wednesday- and I'm going to take your advice- why not find out if something is wrong? Thanks for the baby dust- sending it right back your way :)

  4. I don't have any advice, but I am so glad you're back blogging! I've been wondering how you've been doing. I think that no matter what others in your family have been through, it doesn't make it any easier on you. You don't have to compare your wait to theirs, if you are frustrated, that makes perfect sense, even if you haven't been trying as long as others have.

    Also, wishing you lots of luck on the job! You're def not asking for too much!

  5. Thank you Rory for your kind words! I guess a wait is a wait!