Saturday, June 5, 2010

Topping off the week of tears...

I just spent almost 2 lovely weeks with my parents and my brother and sis-in-law. It was definitely quality bonding time that we all really needed. My sister-in-law have a semi-rocky relationship but for the most part we manage to get along. We don't talk on a regular basis but we get together a lot and fill each other in on the important parts of our lives. Except- I typically leave a few details of my life out- simply because I want the big surprise to everyone when I announce I'm pregnant (I've visualized this many times).

At any sister-in-law (we'll call her SiL) texted me yesterday and told me to call her when I had some time to talk by myself. I over analyze this message over and over because you never know what SiL is going to say. I was suspecting that this had something to do with vacation or whatever.

I called her back just as I was getting home from work and she seemed sad, so I asked "is everything okay?" So- thus begins the story.

Apparently my brother and SiL have been trying to get pregnant for about 18 months. I couldn't believe it! However...the 18 month part hit me and I realized there was a problem. She had some tests done yesterday and they found out that one of her ovaries is either completely blocked or non-existant. In addition- my brother had some tests done and his count is low = difficult baby making. Through all of vacation- I had NO IDEA this was happening and I immediately began to cry. How sad I am for them that they have to go through this. She's going for an MRI next week to do some further testing, but she was an absolute ball of tears and I didn't know what to say except- you have the support from our family and we'll be with you through the entire process. She's going to start seeing a fertility doctor to find out about options. My cousin has been trying for almost 2 years and is going through the same thing- so they can talk to each other about this which is good, but at the same time..there's this other little problem.

Since we were all being open and up front, it would have been a great moment for me to tell her that Hubby and I are TTC...but given the circumstances of the story...this was absolutely the WORST time to bring this I didn't. Instead, I find myself wondering what the hell do I tell them if I get pregnant first....or worse...what happens if this happens to me?

I'm still processing what is going on, but SiL and Bro and my cousin and her husband are coming up next weekend, so I'm absolutely sure that baby talk will be coming up...except that no one knows that Hubby and I are TTC......oy! Anyone else been in this situation?? I'm not sure whether to just tell them or let this settle for a bit and see what happens?


  1. Hi, sorry upfront that this is a bit rambly - yep we had a little awkward situation - with a close family friend. And my friend went thru the same thing with her sister. We both took the same approach, didn't talk about baby making until a BFP, and then touched on the subject very sensitively. In both cases the friend/sister were happy for us and not long after they were in the 'family way' themselves - in once case requiring some intervention to get there, but the outcome was just as magnificent. I sincerely hope that your SIL and cousin have good outcomes. And "IF" IF happened to you, you'd be onto it quick smart. Of that I have no doubt. I can't imagine you waiting 18 mths for intervention. So my suggestion? Let it settle for a little while. Takes the pressure off you a little too - means they won't be asking every second day how you're going (unless of course you want that :) ).

  2. I'm in the position of being in the InFertile boat :( But it's important to remember that you've gotta look after yourself and your family first, then worry about everyone else! :D It can be hard when I see a close friend or family member become pregnant and have a baby, but I am really happy for them too. I think when the dust has settled, and it feels right, it may be good to discuss things with your SIL. :)

  3. We've been trying off and on for several months, and for the most part, I don't say anything. It just seems like it takes so much explanation and sets expectations. I'm feeling like I'd rather just surprise everyone, you know?

    Good luck to you, and to your SIL.