I've learned this over my short 25 years of life and I'm good at it. I'm really really good at opening up the valves and letting loose. I really think it's a combination of things today that helped me let the tears flow, but it felt good and I know it's okay to be sad for a day.
1. Vacation is over...so I know I'm in post-vaca mode and it sucks. It sucks going back to work and it sucks when I hate my job every other day.
2. My period started...again. I know it's still super early in the TTC stage of my life and I suspected it would come this month, but it still sucks. I can't help but hope it happens quickly because for so many people it takes so long. I feel that I should get a break with getting pregnant because I already have to deal with the Diabetes. Is this selfish? I'm sure some of you reading this are probably thinking so, especially those who have the D and fertility problems, you probably think so, but don't you think God should have given you a break?
3. Did I mention that I'm hating my job? I'm an Early Childhood Specialist and manager at a very large science museum and my boss keeps piling on the work. No matter how much I tell her that I cannot possibly take on any more...she doesn't seem to care and arrives late and leaves early almost every day this week and in weeks prior. I can't even catch my breath or take 5 minutes to eat lunch in peace while she leaves early and browses the web all day. She's told me before "you'll understand when you have kids." She's got 4 of them under the age of 6, but I think her little comment is a sign that maybe she's not invested in working. Is it bad that I want her job and sometimes encourage her to possibly think about staying at home?
I think that's all for now that's making me somewhat sad and I know the hormones from flo are making everything worse...but my Hubby has been super awesome this week with being in tune to how I feel and I love him for that. We're going to go hiking tonight...hope I don't go low which seems to be the situation during walks in the park lately.
I'll get the grill started....perhaps I can mentally escape to California and beaches!
Thanks for listening/reading my vent!
Nice to find your blog :D I found you via Saffy's blog.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about "having enough" with diabetes. I often thinking "whew, I've had my share of bad stuff! The rest should be plain sailing" :P
I see the sunshine in that you only hate your job every other day :) Sometimes when I don't like a job I don't take a vacation - reason being when I come back I realize even more just how little I like it :) Hugs hon. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteAs for getting a break? Totally. That's not selfish. That's someone who wants to be a mama, badly. Nothing wrong in putting it out there - we want you up the duff too :)
and please can you put an email address on your profile? That way I can reply to your comments directly!
Enjoy that mental escape!!!
Thanks guys!! It has been so helpful being able to talk about anything via blogging...it's nice to have the support from people like me!
ReplyDeleteSaffy- I changed the settings so you can email me...let me know if it works because I tend to do things incorrectly sometimes :)
I meant to say "people like you!"
ReplyDeletePost-vacation blues can really suck. Sap the energy right outta you! I'm sorry about your job. It sounds like you like what you do (which at least is a plus) but not the added stress of being overworked and dealing with crappy co-workers. I can totally relate!
ReplyDeleteAnd don't feel bad about being bummed about your period. We've been trying since February and since then every time I got mine it's been a bummer. I was worried that maybe having diabetes would make getting pregnant harder. But secretly I was hoping that it would the the one thing my body actually KNOWS how to do RIGHT . . . seems only fair, ya know?
Funny, my best friend is trying to get pregnant too and all month she's "had a feeling." She got her period this morning and was pretty upset. So this subject has been on my mind all day. Stay positive! It WILL happen for you!!
~Layne
Thanks Layne :) This made me feel better and things will definitely work out for you too! That's why we are all doing this..right...for the support to get through the difficult times to get to the joy of children!
ReplyDeleteI love that you and your best friend are trying at the same time! My brother and sis-in-law are trying too and I secretly hope we can go through a pregnancy together. My best friend is going to start trying next year too- I think that's awesome you both can talk about it together!
(((hugs!))) Don't feel bad about wishing God would give you a break. I think that's normal!
ReplyDeleteI totally get what you are saying about the boss thing. I used to have the same kind of supervisor, and I hated it. It was partly the reason that I quit.
I hope you feel better tomorrow, just remember we are here for you!
The whole period and TTC thing is especially weird when you have diabetes, I think. I tend to get so pessimistic about getting pregnant, and I think it's just because I (and all of us) have been told our whole lives that our bodies don't work the way others' do. So, we want things to happen. Now! Hang in there -- it'll happen.
ReplyDelete