Gym take 2~

I'm going to do it...I'm going to try the gym again after I eat dinner and pray really really hard that my blood sugar will stay high enough to prevent me from stopping. It seems that I only have success when I work out pre-dinner- but that is totally inconvenient for me and I WILL find a solution.

It was such a victorious feeling to make it a full hour on the eliptical with no drop in blood sugar and steady numbers afterward. It's motivating to make me go again this evening- perhaps watching the bachelorette as I go!

So the hubby and I are back on track for TTC I believe. Our 2 year anniversary is swiftly approaching in less than a month and he's on board, and so am I. I love that he is so concerned and has started talking about his feelings more- I feel so much more in tune to our wants and needs. We were joking around about baby names last night and he threw out the name "Larry" for a boy. Are you kidding me?? No offense to anyone names Larry out there, but seriously....not a good fit for our household. The hubby got a big kick out of my reaction so he continues to mention it....it wouldn't surprise me if he uses it sooo much that we actually do end up with a little Larry one day....

So now that the emotions are back on track, I'm still not feeling the medtronic CGM- it's wrong all the time and continually says that I'm low still when I'm absolutely not. I'm not sure what to do- stick with it for a couple more weeks? I'm more in tune with the D than I ever have been and I did get the A1c down to 6.3 without it, so I'm wondering what the point is.....

Wish me luck as I eat and head to the gym....keep those sugars high!

Mother nature attacks the end of the weekend!

As I write this post...mother nature is laying down the law! My goodness- storms are coming in quickly and the sky was more black than I've seen it in a long time. However, I love a good stormy Sunday evening- but it does make it difficult to go to work on a Monday.

The weekend was pretty good. My friend N and her new boyfriend came up for the night. I love having company because it gets my house clean...and we usually go somewhere good to eat- Mexican in this case...which I love! And....AND...then N wanted to take the new boy to Jeni's Ice Cream which a local place around here that has the BEST ice cream ever...I usually get Queen City Cayenne which is a very spicy and chocolaty delight and it was FANTASTIC. I've been trying to eat a more healthy diet this week and it's going pretty well so far (except for the large fillet of steak I had today for dinner and the ice cream). Although Man vs. Food is on right now and I'm tempted to eat a big basket of fries and a large grilled cheese sandwich.

I had to work Saturday morning which went really fast. I'm really conflicted about what I should decide to do at this point in my life. My job is amazing for the most part, but I think I'm ready for something new. I work with a bunch of women and I'm tired of all the drama. Does anyone else have drama in the work place? If so, I'm getting tired of it and I'm ready to move on. My resume is almost complete and ready to send out to a few agencies in the area this week- hopefully I'll get a bite!

Today was so much fun. The Hubby and I visited some local caverns in the area and we had a blast. The caves were a solid 54 degrees F and it felt wonderful in this dramatic heat wave of 90's this week. We laughed and laughed, took some photos (posted below) and then came home and watched a good movie - Extraordinary Measures- very good and grilled some steak on the grill! Now- we're watching the storm roll in and it's a big one!

On a great note- I got a good solid 1 HOUR workout in this morning with NO LOWS! It was amazing and I felt great- The trick was drinking a glass of soy milk right before I left which carried me steadily through the workout! It's motivating to get me there tomorrow :)



This is me at the "table" in the caverns- apparently the Wyandot Indians used this as a meeting place for tribal meetings and sacrifices! Pretty cool!

I was on my way to the gym

I took a half day today at work because I have to work on Saturday. I was all super excited, TIME TO WORK OUT! I had it all planned and was actually excited about finding the time to use my gym membership. I checked the CGM- rising high at 268 and climbing...way too high but a perfect opportunity to get a good workout in and bring that high down.

I got ready...ran 1 errand and my CGM beeps at me...Calibrate by 4pm! So...I steady...I check my BG with my meter...and what does it say.....74! WTF? I checked again......84! As if that was not enough......I checked once more just to be sure......71!

I guess I'm not going to the gym...and I didn't even feel the teeny tiny low but I usually do. I'm not sitting on the couch, eating a few apricots (healthy snack) to bring it back up and then a little bit high so that I can go get a good workout in to burn off the calories I just ate. UGH!

I went to the gym last night and only could workout for 20 minutes before plummeting to 74 and lower. I tried the Gatorade method...drink the sugar while I was working out...which miserably failed.

At least I had a fruit cup and grilled chicken salad for lunch...those damn apricots had to ruin everything :)

But...I am on my way to the gym...let's hope I'm not back in 20 minutes.

my new little friend....O

I was at work today (a very crappy day) and a little piece of light showed up in my life. Some great friends of mine showed up where I work today and I went to say hello and have a little snack with them. My friend M (9 years) and her brother C (7 years) were so excited to see me...as was I of them. C is on the Autism Spectrum and I did therapy with him for almost 3 years throughout my college years. He still brings me complete and utter joy every single time I see him. Here's a recent conversation between C and myself.

I showed up to C's house for a baby shower....he sees me walking up the driveway.

C: "Brigdon, I feel sorry for you!"

Me: "Why do you feel sorry for me, buddy?"

C: "You have diabetes and you have a pump."

Me: "C- you don't have to feel sorry for me, I'm healthy and happy and my pump helps me"

C: pulls my pump out of my pocket (he likes to hold it and look at the buttons) and says- "but you have Diabetes and you used to NOT have it, but now you do"

Me: "C- that's very true, but I'm healthy so you don't have to worry about me."

C: "I still feel sorry for you....see you later....are you going to be okay?"

Me: "Yes C- I'm going to be fine- thanks for being concerned about me, see you soon!"

I absolutely loved this moment. When I started working with C, he did not talk at all and we never thought he would, but now, he won't stop talking, and he's so concerned about everything and everybody...love my little buddy.

So, C and M and their mom show up at my work, and M has a little friend with her....O! O, 9 years old, has Type 1 Diabetes! C informs me of this upon our meeting and tells me that O has a pump. O brings out her bright PINK medtronic pump- soo...

I take out mine and say- "Hey- I have one of those too!" You should have SEEN her eyes light up. She then proceeded to ask me a bizillion questions about Diabetes and my pump. I showed her my CGM and she says- "Oh I'm so jealous of you! My insurance won't cover that!". I felt bad but she was super excited for me to show her my nifty graphs. I think it's kind of sad that a 9 year old knows what her insurance won't cover, but then again, I don't know if she really knows what I showed her.

She told me a little bit about herself, she "got diabetes" when she was 2 and got her pump at the age of 4. She's broken her pump every 2 years which has gotten her the nifty pink pump, which I'm slightly jealous of. She sat there and ate popcorn while M and C had pizza and ice cream- she didn't think twice. I told her "I'll not eat that with you!" She laughed and smiled and asked me a few more questions- "have you been in the hospital?" and "I hate it when I go low, I've passed out 7 times!" She told me about a Diabetes Camp she is attending this summer that she loves (I've now applied to volunteer for the week!). As we sat there, her blood sugar was 444! M and C's mom called O's mom and told her to drink some water and correct with the pump. I could tell she felt really crummy, but she did smile and laugh and she was a little bit of hope in my crazy and stressful day!

I hope to stay in touch with O- she's already my friend.

Back on track!

With a combination of beautiful weather and a wonderful weekend- I think I'm getting back on track (with the exception of the CGM). I'm feeling pretty good today and in celebration of being happy- I'm giving myself a movie day. Yes...that's right..I rented 5 movies and I'm going to watch all of them by Wednesday.

Not really much to do today, we celebrated dad's day with my parents yesterday and had a great time. My dad grilled some amazing steaks and we ate lots and lots of food- it wasn't as disasterous on the BG as I thought it would be. It was good to see them since I hadn't since the great vacation. We had to leave a little early because the Hubby's boss invited us to a concert. We had a really good time, as much as you can at a symphany orchestra, but it was outside so it was a little hot, but ended up being a beautiful night.

The hubby and I had a nice long chat last night about the future and what we want/need. It was super helpful to get back on the same page- we talked about fears and concerns about having a baby and worked through a few things and I think we're both feeling better.

I'm still not 100% loving the CGM- but it's getting better. It took so long for it to warm up the other day when I put a new sensor in- I thought I was going to have to do it again and that did not make me happy at all- but eventually it all worked out and I began operating like a human robot again.

I think that's all I have to say for now- (lamest post EVA) but on a side not....see the pic below with the wonderful gift I received from my father-in-law!!!



Yes...that's right...it's a super sized economy pack of ROLLED life savers! Best gift eva!

the endo results are in....

AND....I'm at 6.3!!!!! Wow! I can't believe it! This was the best news I ever could have gotten in the past month (sounds lame) but so true! I was at 7.3 three months ago and I've worked my butt off (with nearly no exercise) and it's at 6.3! The hubby knew I was looking for 6.5 or lower and he was trying to give me a pep talk last night that if things didn't go as planned, that it would be okay! This is even better than what I asked for. I think this calls for a celebration!

I left work early to head to the med center to register and get blood work. Thank goodness I didn't have to give a urine sample today. Some lady in there while they were taking blood spilled her entire cup all over the toilet, sink, and floor. It gave me the jitters just thinking about it- and I had to pee (just in case) and finally found another bathroom down the hall. I met with the Nurse Practitioner today...whom I LOVE! She was absolutely fabulous- she spent over an hour with me which made me feel important and that she cared. She brainstormed ideas with me on how to make "work outs" possible for me. We're going to try cutting my bolus for dinner in half and see if that helps. I'll also track those pre/post numbers- and we have a backup plan if that doesn't work.

I asked her about the CGM and she showed me the data from the sensor readings comparative to my meter readings- actually pretty close. She told me that overall it was pretty spot on and that I am probably just a little hyper aware and to give it some time. I'm going to try and calibrate ONLY 3 times a day and see if that helps some!

We then started making some changes and compromising on some (which was awesome) and then she laughed and said "ooohh- maybe we shouldn't change these numbers- Diabetes Educator lady is needing my info tomorrow and we probably just screwed up all the baseline data we just got!" Oh well- I'll deal with the consequences and DE lady can suck it up.

So- I'm pretty much in a good mood now and looking for a great way to celebrate!

Dear CGM-

I'm NOT LOW! PLEASE STOP BEEPING AT ME! I'm not low now, nor have I been at any point today. I just ate lunch and check and I'm at 132...not 70 as you continue to tell me. Please correct your error immediately!

Thank you!

Your newest client



:) I feel better now

The girl on the box...

For those of you who have a Medtronic insulin pump- have you ever noticed the girl on the box that your pump comes in? She's all sitting there...styling her insulin pump and her CGM...eating a piece of pizza of all things. I hate the pump girl on the box. I absolutely despise her. How is she sitting there...all happy...eating a slice of pizza..acting like that's okay! I don't know about most of you...but insulin pumps really do NOT help with eating pizza. Maybe Medtronic should think about that next time they develop a crappy CGM and send it to me with a girl on the box. I hate the girl on the box.

I'm completely and 100% frustrated with my CGM today. I'm on day 4 and this thing seems to be completely worthless. I've done nothing but treat it well. I've calibrated many times each day, making sure I'm steady and entering the numbers in. I thought this was a simple and helpful reminder to continue testing with my meter. Things seemed great the first 2 days...and then..bam.

Saturday night and Sunday, I was pretty much high all day. This hasn't happened to me in a long time because of the rapid testing 10x a day. However, Diabetes Educator lady told me NOT to correct anything over 250 so they can work on getting my baseline, unless I eat something. So....tired of being high all day, I eat a granola bar so I can correct the high and I knew the exact amount of carbs....3 hours later...still high...WTF?

Wake up this morning, still frustrated at high readings on the sensor and on my meter. Plus, they are more than 40 points apart every single time I check it. I was high all day at work...feeling like shit. I called DE lady and of course, she doesn't return my call. I just wanted her to tell me it was okay to correct when it was over 200, no returned phone call = much frustration.

Trying to keep a positive attitude- I made stuffed peppers for dinner. The Hubby and I got in the car and headed to the gym. I was excited...I'm going to drop the 20 pounds I need to. Middle of the workout, sensor is steady at 120 and 113..I'm feeling good, but decide to check for the hell of it with my meter. 50! Yes, that's right...50! So, I stop my workout, chew on some life savers and wait for my sensor to alarm that "hello, you're low!" About 20 minutes into my hypo and on my way home from the gym, sensor FINALLY alarms at 78 with 1 arrow down. However, my meter screams at 103.......UGH.....Thank GOD I'm going to the Endo on Wednesday....if this continues to go like this....it's a useless piece of crap.

Please...someone share something positive about their Minimed CGM?? The pizza girl on the box isn't cutting it for me!

Craptastic news...

Sorry to be such a bummer in the month of June...but in the words of my former co-worker...this is Bummer June. Here goes!

1. On Wednesday, my worked layed off 7 people. They waited until the end of the day and no one knew it was coming. I knew all of them and I feel SO BAD for them. The organization promised that this was a "strategic business move" and needed to eliminate wasteful positions. I think it's their ploy to deny the rest of us raises for another year. Oy!

2. I went to pick up my insulin prescription at the pharmacy. I usually get 2 vials for $50. However, the insurance company MedCo did an audit and now only allows me to get 1 vial for $50. They also want me to refill my prescription every 17 days. So basically, the costs of my insulin just doubled. I called the doctor and she wrote me a new prescription wording it in a way where I could get 2 bottles, but I still hate MedCo. Too bad my husband's insurance is not any better.

3. It's a long story and I'm not sure I'm 100% ready to talk in detail, but we are putting a hold on the TTC for a while. Hubby had a little "freak out" for lack of a better term and we need some time to talk some more. I don't want to move forward unless he's 100% sure and I'm okay with that...I just wish he had told me how he was feeling sooner. I was extremely upset but after looking at our busy summer, this may be the best decision for a while. Who knows....he may be ready by next month- we just are talking about it more and that's a good thing. It made me feel really stupid though.

4. When the Hubby got home from work yesterday, he noticed my car had a flat tire- Fan-fucking-tastic. The car place was already closed and I needed to leave for doctor's appointments this morning before they opened- so I had to take Hubby to work and depend on a friend to help me out.

5. In the process of moving some things from my car to my Hubby's car because of the flat tire....I kicked a crate of stuff really really hard on accident and broke my pinky toe. OMG- it hurts so bad!

6, Went to the Diabetes Educator Sensor Class this morning! The sensor is in and I'm officially on a CGM! I bled pretty bad but the pain was NOT as bad as I thought it was going to be. However, about half way through the day while I was running errands, I ran out of insulin- so now I'm pissed it screwed with my numbers. My DE told me that I should not correct for highs under 250 for the next couple weeks so that we can find my baseline basal accurately- this is very hard.

7. Nurse looked at my toe- definitely broken- nothing that can be done...at least I can walk.

8. Eye appointment went fabulous! No signs of diabetes damage- thank goodness- my contact prescription changed slightly. I love my eye doc. My Hubby told me I should marry him.......then I laughed for the first time today :)

9. I picked up the car from the tire place this afternoon- they DIDN'T charge me...I couldn't believe it...they fixed the hole for free. I decided that I love Discount Tire and may possibly purchase some tires from them in the future.

10. Sensor is working very well- I'm playing around with it the best I can. My entire house is CLEAN which is making me soooo happy. SiL and Bro, and my cousin and her husband are on their way up tonight for the weekend! I'm looking forward to it...minus the baby talk- but they are running a couple hours behind...hence I had time to post to all you lovely readers!

My mission is to be more positive next week....perhaps I will have good news...if not..I will make an effort to!

The lows blow...

Today has not been that successful.Those of you who are reading my blog and hoping to find inspiration to work out.....I'm really not your girl. However, I did make a commitment to try 30 days...and that's still my plan. My plan was foiled today by a case of low blood sugars...pretty much ALL DAY. My day started off slow with a small stomach ache (and I was applying for a new job). I finally got my butt out of bed and headed into work. Low blood sugars in the morning...low blood sugars in the afternoon. I left work, and upon my arrival at home....my neighbors were out celebrating the neighborhood's last day of school. "Come drink some wine with us!" was all I heard and before you knew it...I was tipsy...and LOW! WTF??? This totally foiled my plan to work out (don't worry- I was going to run in the neighborhood, no driving after drinking...and plus...after tonight...no drinking- hopefully for the next 9 months). At any rate...it would NOT come up. I tested later tonight and it was at 41- my vision was going all wacky and I broke out in a cold sweat. It was a BAD low....the kind where I chewed 6 life savers and then went straight for the pantry and devoured almost an entire bag of chips. I hate it when I do that...so now I need to make it 31 days just to make up for all the calories I ate to correct the low. Ugh...so frustrating. Now I'm at 236- not surprising given my binge eating. Pump, pump away through the night. Hubby will be home tomorrow night so hopefully I can get back to normal.

On a good note...I hung 2 sets of curtains in the spare bedrooms this evening. I'm preparing for wonderful company this weekend- still so much to do!

I can do anything for 30 days!

Do you see the optimism in my title? It's going to happen...and all of YOU are going to make me do it!

I've pretty much decided that I'm fat and I need to lose a few pounds...especially before a baby is on the way and I can't lose it all. Plus, I need to look better for all the sex I'm going to be having over the next couple months. I figure...if I'm more confident in the way I look, I'll be more in the mood which = better baby making fun :)

At any rate..I've decided to try working out for 30 days and see how much weight I can lose....because I can do ANYTHING for 30 days right? I like this goal because there is no set amount of pounds that needs to be lost...just a commitment to be more active and work out/run/walk/hike every single day for 30 days...can't be that hard right? You all need to yell and scream at me and remind me of my promise to myself, my future child, and my sex life that this will be good for me!

I go to the eye doctor on Friday...hoping for a good check up.....endo is next week...hoping for an even better check up. Blood sugars have been good for the most part..until I ate some Salty Carmel Jeni's ice cream tonight- I can never resist it...especially when the Hubby is out of town and I'm home alone. I've given up "giving up ice cream"- I'll forever be an ice cream junkie and that is also in my 30 day plan.

Topping off the week of tears...

I just spent almost 2 lovely weeks with my parents and my brother and sis-in-law. It was definitely quality bonding time that we all really needed. My sister-in-law have a semi-rocky relationship but for the most part we manage to get along. We don't talk on a regular basis but we get together a lot and fill each other in on the important parts of our lives. Except- I typically leave a few details of my life out- simply because I want the big surprise to everyone when I announce I'm pregnant (I've visualized this many times).

At any rate....my sister-in-law (we'll call her SiL) texted me yesterday and told me to call her when I had some time to talk by myself. I over analyze this message over and over because you never know what SiL is going to say. I was suspecting that this had something to do with vacation or whatever.

I called her back just as I was getting home from work and she seemed sad, so I asked "is everything okay?" So- thus begins the story.

Apparently my brother and SiL have been trying to get pregnant for about 18 months. I couldn't believe it! However...the 18 month part hit me and I realized there was a problem. She had some tests done yesterday and they found out that one of her ovaries is either completely blocked or non-existant. In addition- my brother had some tests done and his count is low = difficult baby making. Through all of vacation- I had NO IDEA this was happening and I immediately began to cry. How sad I am for them that they have to go through this. She's going for an MRI next week to do some further testing, but she was an absolute ball of tears and I didn't know what to say except- you have the support from our family and we'll be with you through the entire process. She's going to start seeing a fertility doctor to find out about options. My cousin has been trying for almost 2 years and is going through the same thing- so they can talk to each other about this which is good, but at the same time..there's this other little problem.

Since we were all being open and up front, it would have been a great moment for me to tell her that Hubby and I are TTC...but given the circumstances of the story...this was absolutely the WORST time to bring this up...so I didn't. Instead, I find myself wondering what the hell do I tell them if I get pregnant first....or worse...what happens if this happens to me?

I'm still processing what is going on, but SiL and Bro and my cousin and her husband are coming up next weekend, so I'm absolutely sure that baby talk will be coming up...except that no one knows that Hubby and I are TTC......oy! Anyone else been in this situation?? I'm not sure whether to just tell them or let this settle for a bit and see what happens?

It's okay to cry.

I've learned this over my short 25 years of life and I'm good at it. I'm really really good at opening up the valves and letting loose. I really think it's a combination of things today that helped me let the tears flow, but it felt good and I know it's okay to be sad for a day.

1. Vacation is over...so I know I'm in post-vaca mode and it sucks. It sucks going back to work and it sucks when I hate my job every other day.

2. My period started...again. I know it's still super early in the TTC stage of my life and I suspected it would come this month, but it still sucks. I can't help but hope it happens quickly because for so many people it takes so long. I feel that I should get a break with getting pregnant because I already have to deal with the Diabetes. Is this selfish? I'm sure some of you reading this are probably thinking so, especially those who have the D and fertility problems, you probably think so, but don't you think God should have given you a break?

3. Did I mention that I'm hating my job? I'm an Early Childhood Specialist and manager at a very large science museum and my boss keeps piling on the work. No matter how much I tell her that I cannot possibly take on any more...she doesn't seem to care and arrives late and leaves early almost every day this week and in weeks prior. I can't even catch my breath or take 5 minutes to eat lunch in peace while she leaves early and browses the web all day. She's told me before "you'll understand when you have kids." She's got 4 of them under the age of 6, but I think her little comment is a sign that maybe she's not invested in working. Is it bad that I want her job and sometimes encourage her to possibly think about staying at home?

I think that's all for now that's making me somewhat sad and I know the hormones from flo are making everything worse...but my Hubby has been super awesome this week with being in tune to how I feel and I love him for that. We're going to go hiking tonight...hope I don't go low which seems to be the situation during walks in the park lately.

I'll get the grill started....perhaps I can mentally escape to California and beaches!

Thanks for listening/reading my vent!

And the writing just got better!

The last week has been trying. Home from vacation and back to work really sucks, AND, on top of it all, our computer crashed. I'm surprised the cheap laptop lasted as long as it did, but we ended up having to pay $100 to retrieve my thousands of pictures over the past 3 years that were on my computer. The Hubby and I immediately began the shop for a new PC.

We picked one out and it was really nice (although secretly I REALLY REALLY wanted the MacBook Pro from Apple) but that didn't seem feasible in the budget with the TTC and all. I did a cancer fundraiser this past Saturday and the Hubby went out to buy the new computer that we had agreed on.

Arriving home from the fundraiser and on the table was sitting my new and wonderful MacBook Pro! I couldn't believe it! He's horrible at surprises, but this time he got me and I love him a little more for it!

I'm trying new things since this computer actually worked and was able to Skype with my best friend who lives in Iowa! It was awesome...totally made my crappy day all the more better!

At any rate, my CGM was supposed to arrive via UPS today, but it still hasn't. I already lied to the doctor and told her I got it on Friday (it was supposed to arrive on Friday), but now God is punishing me for lying to the endo which was really just a stab for her making me take an $800 class. I called Medtronic and left a message....do you think they called me back???? I'll give you one guess.

The Hubby and I are gearing up in baby mode though.....although I have a strong feeling that my period will come in the next couple days. We're still in the beginning stages of trying so I'm not worried, but just having fun. Hubby got really excited yesterday when we saw BABIES at the theatre....so cute and eye opening. I think it sealed the deal though that we are moving on the right track as we had great conversation the remainder of the evening :)